God has been leading me lately and I question so much. It's so hard to know that I am 36 and still don't know the exact place God has for me. I keep praying and asking and am having the hardest time listening. I pray that The Lord opens my ears so I can hear him.
I have tried so many things and while teaching is something that can be considered a gift, God has led me away from that and I'm okay with that. He is leading me to write a lot lately and that I so truly enjoy and love. I have some great validation right now that my writing is actually making a difference and for that, I am very thankful.
This is the first time in a long time that I have felt calm about something. That I have not felt like I'm crazy busy even though I am. When I'm interviewing and writing and putting people's stories into print. Praise The Lord for this guidance and the still waters. I most certainly have needed it.
July 23, 2010
June 29, 2010
Another chapter
Can't help but feel sad today. Lost a few more daycare children because of communication issues. Truly wish I had known there were any concerns, but that's all water under the bridge. Can't change what we don't know about. I just keep praying for the family to find someone that is a better fit for them and that my family is able to heal from the sadness of losing friends. It's hard when you care so deeply about children and your children care so deeply and then all you can say to them is that they aren't coming back.
Well, onward and upward. Can't feel bad forever. Just have to go on.
Well, onward and upward. Can't feel bad forever. Just have to go on.
June 17, 2010
Esther
VBS is that time of year when we not only get to be kids, but as a teacher, I get to go back to The Word and focus on Bible stories that I wouldn't necessarily be studying. Last night's lesson was Esther. From that lesson I came out thinking how incredibly brave it was to do the Will of God.
When was the last time you prayed for God's Will? When was the last time you told God that no matter what, you were there for Him and what He wanted? Those are the questions that came to me a I ended my own lesson. I am not a young lady who has to pretend not to be a Jew. I am not a young lady who has to pretend she wants to be at the palace to be recognized by the king as "the one." I am not a young lady who was selected as The Queen, nor am I the young lady who steps out on faith to tell the king the truth when she knows it could lead to her death.
So, why is it so difficult to let go? I think it is in our nature to question everything and control all situations. So, today I say the following prayer as Esther would have to lead me on my way.
Dear God,
Today I do not know Your Will. I do not know what you wish for me. If it should be a particular direction, I will not question you. I will not argue. I will be happy with your decision. Please help me to be the best I can be in that direction.
In Your Son's Name. Amen
When was the last time you prayed for God's Will? When was the last time you told God that no matter what, you were there for Him and what He wanted? Those are the questions that came to me a I ended my own lesson. I am not a young lady who has to pretend not to be a Jew. I am not a young lady who has to pretend she wants to be at the palace to be recognized by the king as "the one." I am not a young lady who was selected as The Queen, nor am I the young lady who steps out on faith to tell the king the truth when she knows it could lead to her death.
So, why is it so difficult to let go? I think it is in our nature to question everything and control all situations. So, today I say the following prayer as Esther would have to lead me on my way.
Dear God,
Today I do not know Your Will. I do not know what you wish for me. If it should be a particular direction, I will not question you. I will not argue. I will be happy with your decision. Please help me to be the best I can be in that direction.
In Your Son's Name. Amen
June 16, 2010
Getting caught up
Thank you Jesus for the brief reminder to be grateful in all the rush around of the week of Safety Town, VBS and preparations for vacation. My children are so beautiful and such a wonderful gift. Brings me back to my email address as a constant reminder of that.
3 Children are a
they are a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3 (NLT)
June 14, 2010
Joy and Pleasures
You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
— Psalm 16:11 NRSV
This week is VBS week at my church. While it is an exhausting time for all of us, it is also a pleasure like none other. It reminds me of VBS when I was a child. It allows those of us who are adults to enjoy the time as if we are children again. When was the last time, you wore a crazy colored wig and bouncy antennae on your head and made a mask to put on a super persona!!! Can we say fun or what!! hee hee.
I have the joy of having 1st and 2nd graders (going into that grade) this year and wow!! Seriously, that's about all I can say about my kids. From the ultra quiet to the super sweet and the overly talkative, there is a wide realm of students in this group.
Our theme for the week: Hero Headquarters. What a pleasure it is to remember that Our Lord is our Hero and that through Jesus we can defeat Satan and achieve that super status!! This week, my prayers is that my kids in my group and all the children participating can feel the touch of The Lord on them and know that He is always with them through troubles and tribulations as well as the Joys and Pleasures.
— Psalm 16:11 NRSV
This week is VBS week at my church. While it is an exhausting time for all of us, it is also a pleasure like none other. It reminds me of VBS when I was a child. It allows those of us who are adults to enjoy the time as if we are children again. When was the last time, you wore a crazy colored wig and bouncy antennae on your head and made a mask to put on a super persona!!! Can we say fun or what!! hee hee.
I have the joy of having 1st and 2nd graders (going into that grade) this year and wow!! Seriously, that's about all I can say about my kids. From the ultra quiet to the super sweet and the overly talkative, there is a wide realm of students in this group.
Our theme for the week: Hero Headquarters. What a pleasure it is to remember that Our Lord is our Hero and that through Jesus we can defeat Satan and achieve that super status!! This week, my prayers is that my kids in my group and all the children participating can feel the touch of The Lord on them and know that He is always with them through troubles and tribulations as well as the Joys and Pleasures.
June 8, 2010
On Being Fat
Well, there comes a day when you wake up FAT.. There I said it.
I know!!! It doesn't just happen like that, you may say. But really it does. One day you are this hot and sexy being (not sure I've ever been THAT, but I digress) and the next you wake up all lumpy bumpy and cottage cheesy. You may think I am being funny, but I am far from it. This is serious, people.
I'm fat and suddenly I realize how fat I really am. So my mind says, what now chicky poo. Now, before you start thinking (those who really know me) and realize I've been fat for sometime, yes, that might be the case, but I didn't KNOW that I was fat and either my friends have all been blind or in the same denial as I have been in.
When you wake up and you can't fit into your fat clothes and realize you are going on a trip to a "beachy state" in a few weeks with NOTHING to wear, it's time to do something. And, no, I'm not meaning pull out the chocolate. Although, I started to until I realized that probably is what got me here.
So I put on my big girl panties, cause that's all that fits, and decided I was going to do something about this.
Who is with me girls? Who can I depend on to tell me to suck it up and move those extra 5 steps or eat that salad instead of the fattening and incredibly sweet roll that is calling my name? I'm waiting!!!!
I know!!! It doesn't just happen like that, you may say. But really it does. One day you are this hot and sexy being (not sure I've ever been THAT, but I digress) and the next you wake up all lumpy bumpy and cottage cheesy. You may think I am being funny, but I am far from it. This is serious, people.
I'm fat and suddenly I realize how fat I really am. So my mind says, what now chicky poo. Now, before you start thinking (those who really know me) and realize I've been fat for sometime, yes, that might be the case, but I didn't KNOW that I was fat and either my friends have all been blind or in the same denial as I have been in.
When you wake up and you can't fit into your fat clothes and realize you are going on a trip to a "beachy state" in a few weeks with NOTHING to wear, it's time to do something. And, no, I'm not meaning pull out the chocolate. Although, I started to until I realized that probably is what got me here.
So I put on my big girl panties, cause that's all that fits, and decided I was going to do something about this.
Who is with me girls? Who can I depend on to tell me to suck it up and move those extra 5 steps or eat that salad instead of the fattening and incredibly sweet roll that is calling my name? I'm waiting!!!!
June 5, 2010
What is the Lesson Here?
Each day the Lord brings us is an opportunity to live up to the Christian we are made to be, but sometimes I just can't see it. Yesterday was one of those days. Trials and tribulations can be difficult.
1. Wade's brakes went out on his car.
2. The motor in our new dishwasher went out
3. One of the children I babysit will not be returning without a miracle from God. His Mother lost her job and hasn't found a new one in a week. Frustration because they waited until 5:30 at pick up time to let me know he won't be back on Monday. Talk about being tested.
So, this morning, I started the day off on the positive note of donating blood and am trying to get through all this without fear of losing $1600 worth of income (some from the job I lost -- well I know where it is, but it's not mine anymore-- last month). So I ask The Lord, what is the lesson here? As we try to figure this all out and Wade struggles with a strain in his back, how much more do you want us to learn and where do you want us to go from here........
1. Wade's brakes went out on his car.
2. The motor in our new dishwasher went out
3. One of the children I babysit will not be returning without a miracle from God. His Mother lost her job and hasn't found a new one in a week. Frustration because they waited until 5:30 at pick up time to let me know he won't be back on Monday. Talk about being tested.
So, this morning, I started the day off on the positive note of donating blood and am trying to get through all this without fear of losing $1600 worth of income (some from the job I lost -- well I know where it is, but it's not mine anymore-- last month). So I ask The Lord, what is the lesson here? As we try to figure this all out and Wade struggles with a strain in his back, how much more do you want us to learn and where do you want us to go from here........
June 3, 2010
I never felt like this before
My 2nd grader has his last day of school today which normally comes with excitement. This did not come the same way this year and really threw me for a loop. Just before bed last night, he came and asked to talk to me in private. He said he didn't want to leave 2nd grade or his teacher. I knew there was a connection between the two of them, but I just didn't realize how strong he was feeling.
"I never felt like this before," he said. My heart broke as I watched my 8 year old struggle with the pain of knowing he is growing up.... A pain I feel daily as I watch him mature and become a little man. I watched him crying over a loss of another year of school, another group of friends, a teacher who has become an ally. I held him as he cried it out and reassured him as best as a Momma can do all the while knowing the truth is that once it is all said and done, it will be forgotten like any other day.
"I never felt like this before," he said. My heart broke as I watched my 8 year old struggle with the pain of knowing he is growing up.... A pain I feel daily as I watch him mature and become a little man. I watched him crying over a loss of another year of school, another group of friends, a teacher who has become an ally. I held him as he cried it out and reassured him as best as a Momma can do all the while knowing the truth is that once it is all said and done, it will be forgotten like any other day.
May 21, 2010
Fun Fun
So I had a friend come over yesterday. We had some fun, but I have to question what kind of great friends I got when they come over for me to feed them and their kids lunch and never question that maybe they should have brought something. That's after going through a half a gallon of milk all by themselves. Seriously, I love my friend, but it's always the same thing with her. They always come when it's food time. I know she has a tough time sometimes, but there has to be a point when you tell yourself enough is enough. I have no clue how to or if I should even broach the subject.
Anyhow, had to vent and since no one actually reads my blog, this is the perfect place. hee hee.
Anyhow, had to vent and since no one actually reads my blog, this is the perfect place. hee hee.
May 18, 2010
Hope
I ache for you, knowing the life you are used to.
I hate knowing you are in pain and I can't fix it.
My heart feels pain that words can't describe.
You have taken care of me for so very long that my
mind cannot imagine how helpless you are now feeling.
Everyone continues to live around you.
You wonder if they think of you stuck in the house.
Alone.
If I could fix it, you know I would.
If I could make it all better, you know I would.
If I could work wonders, you know I would.
All I know is that Our God can fix. Our God can make all better. Our God can work wonders.
I hate knowing you are in pain and I can't fix it.
My heart feels pain that words can't describe.
You have taken care of me for so very long that my
mind cannot imagine how helpless you are now feeling.
Everyone continues to live around you.
You wonder if they think of you stuck in the house.
Alone.
If I could fix it, you know I would.
If I could make it all better, you know I would.
If I could work wonders, you know I would.
All I know is that Our God can fix. Our God can make all better. Our God can work wonders.
May 13, 2010
Growing Up So Quickly
May 11, 2010
Life throws you Curves
Here we are a year after my last post well aware that life has been making things quite tricky to do much of anything. I keep looking at my children and asking where has the time gone. It's insane to know my favorite daughter, the baby is walking and getting into trouble. My favorite youngest son is going to start Kinder in the Fall. And my ever faithful, favorite biggest boy is headed for big deal 3rd grade territory. I remember changing the boys' diapers and imagining what they would be like. Now, I get to see and some days I don't like it. Others, wow, they are incredible.
I'm hoping to try to blog something each day about my babies and how they are growing or a story or two. I can journal all I want, but on here it seems more permanent for some reason. My mental struggle is what keeps me away. I can't keep them young forever. Oh but if only I could.......
I'm hoping to try to blog something each day about my babies and how they are growing or a story or two. I can journal all I want, but on here it seems more permanent for some reason. My mental struggle is what keeps me away. I can't keep them young forever. Oh but if only I could.......
May 20, 2009
Time Flies By
Wow, I can't believe it has take me almost 2 months to put a post up. So much to do and so little time, I suppose.
My heart aches today for my friends. So many now have lost their jobs. This economy has touched them all and will continue touching them all. I pray for my own job. For my family as we cannot possibly live without my job. The thought of me going to work in a brick and mortar just makes my stomach churn. God will provide for all of us. We just have to trust and believe!
My heart aches today for my friends. So many now have lost their jobs. This economy has touched them all and will continue touching them all. I pray for my own job. For my family as we cannot possibly live without my job. The thought of me going to work in a brick and mortar just makes my stomach churn. God will provide for all of us. We just have to trust and believe!
March 31, 2009
Thankful
Tonight I sit here thankful. I'm thankful for so many different things.
I'm thankful that I have the Lord Jesus in my heart. Through Him all things are possible.
I'm thankful that I have an incredible husband. He keeps me strong no matter what.
I'm thankful that I have 3 sweet and loving children. "I could stay like this forever."
I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head. I stay dry in the rain and warm in the cold.
I'm thankful that I have 3 square meals a day. So many go without.
I'm thankful that I have a job. Idle minds are the devil's play.
I'm thankful that there are smiles. They are contagious and a great thing to catch.
I'm thankful that we live in freedom. How great it is to walk the streets without fear.
I'm thankful that I can sit here and type this to no one or everyone. My life is full. My life is meaningful. My life is pure joy.
I'm thankful that I have the Lord Jesus in my heart. Through Him all things are possible.
I'm thankful that I have an incredible husband. He keeps me strong no matter what.
I'm thankful that I have 3 sweet and loving children. "I could stay like this forever."
I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head. I stay dry in the rain and warm in the cold.
I'm thankful that I have 3 square meals a day. So many go without.
I'm thankful that I have a job. Idle minds are the devil's play.
I'm thankful that there are smiles. They are contagious and a great thing to catch.
I'm thankful that we live in freedom. How great it is to walk the streets without fear.
I'm thankful that I can sit here and type this to no one or everyone. My life is full. My life is meaningful. My life is pure joy.
March 27, 2009
Wasted Opportunity
It is so rare to get a glimpse of God's beauty and recognize what it truly is. Today, I grudgingly got out of the van and got Sofia and Owen out and trudged up to Alec's school rather than sitting in the parking lot a little ways from the school to watch him. What drew me out into the cold damp air? FOG. It was so thick you couldn't see the school from the parking lot (which really isn't far away at all). I do not trust others and did not wish for my 7 year old to walk alone through that fog next to the road. So, up we go to the school to see him in the door. On our way back to the van, Sofia was insisting that uncovering her head should be a new Olympic sport and Owen decided he should race Mommy back to the van through the field that is between the school and the parking lot. I wasn't in the mood for all of it, but as we got to the edge of the fencing, I glanced over at the Head Start building to see a break in the fog. The only clear thing was the flag and it was absolutely gorgeous. I was so sad not to have had my camera for that picture, but I snapped away in my mind. I snapped that picture and brought myself out of my own fog.
It has me thinking about how lucky we are. We live in a country that is free. We live in a country that, while we have our shortcomings, we are able to worship without interference. We live in a country in which we can say negative things about our leaders and not feel as if we are putting our lives or the lives of our loved ones in jeopardy. And while I do not agree with being at war at this time, I support those who are over there fighting for us and keeping us free to worship and love and speak openly. Today, God reminded me that no matter how thick the fog, there is always a break through to keep those important things clear.
It has me thinking about how lucky we are. We live in a country that is free. We live in a country that, while we have our shortcomings, we are able to worship without interference. We live in a country in which we can say negative things about our leaders and not feel as if we are putting our lives or the lives of our loved ones in jeopardy. And while I do not agree with being at war at this time, I support those who are over there fighting for us and keeping us free to worship and love and speak openly. Today, God reminded me that no matter how thick the fog, there is always a break through to keep those important things clear.
March 15, 2009
Sunflower Sweetie
Okay, so I got a great deal and as most of my friends and family know, I love a deal. Went to an arts and craft show today. Saw these great headbands with bows for infants. These were not traditional headbands, but ones that were not tight on the head as you buy in traditional stores. Found one that should match her Easter dress and the lady loved how it looked so much on Sofia that she asked me to put one with a sunflower on her and wear it around the show. Said it was free and definitely hers if I was willing to do that. Loving my deals, I said ABSOLUTELY. :-) Here is my sunflower sweetie. Had to share.
God Is Good
Wow, What a week. Well, Mom made it through sugery and is healing just fine. We are pleased and give praise for that.
Sofia is trying not to let the doctor have his way. He threatened the hospital and she suddenly grew 6 ounces. Praise be to God for that!! We are truly blessed. We are taking things one day at a time. Will return to get another weight check on Wednesday and pray that she is still growing.
Thanks for all the prayers.
Sofia is trying not to let the doctor have his way. He threatened the hospital and she suddenly grew 6 ounces. Praise be to God for that!! We are truly blessed. We are taking things one day at a time. Will return to get another weight check on Wednesday and pray that she is still growing.
Thanks for all the prayers.
March 9, 2009
My Prayer for today
Dear Lord.
Today I wear my heart on my sleeve and a tear in my eye. I have but two requests for you, my Father.
My Mommy.. Lord, please keep her safe during her surgery and help her to come out okay on the other side. Be with the surgeons as they correct her sinus problems and do all they can not to touch the cyst on her brain causing additional damage. Please let them find that cyst is just as it is, a cyst. And that she wakes up from the anethesia without any complications this time. Bring her back to my babies as they need their Grammy.
And my Sweet, sweet precious little girl.. Lord, You know how I feel about this. I love my baby girl with all my heart and soul. This weekend has been so terribly difficult but it has all been for her. Please, Father, do not let this be all for naught. Today as we go into the doctor's please let her have gained the weight she needs to keep healthy and help me be able to provide the nourishment she needs on a daily basis. Please let this be a simple problem and not something medically wrong with her.
Lord, you are my Rock and my Redeemer and I trust Your Will. Give me the strength this day and always to live my life for you and show you honor and glory.
Forever Yours. Amen.
January 10, 2009
Contentment
Some days are riddled with frustrations and uncertainty, but that is life. As I sit here holding Sofia and watching the boys play Wii, I feel that content feeling that this is how God intended it to be. Wade scored 100 on Alley Ball, not once but TWICE and they all jumped up and down cheering. This is our family time. Game night is one of the boys' favorite night. Good old fashioned Sorry, hi tech Wii-- it doesn't matter. We are spending time as a family having fun. Does it get any better that this? No way!
January 6, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)