Fear of Running Fat

For quite sometime now, I have watched my friends and their progress moving from a sedentary life to being active, some even running. I have always said the same thing... "I don't run unless there is something big, ugly and mean chasing after me." It has always been my coping with being overweight. I don't want to run because I'm afraid what others might say.
For several weeks now I have been thinking about it and realized the other day that I've reached my upper threshold for walking on the treadmill and am running low on options. Yes, I can change the incline. I do that. Did I increase the speed? Well, I have short legs and strides, so 3.4 is the fastest I can go on there without running. We all know what I think about running.
But today was different. I am fed up. I have been dealing with pain from possible arthritis and am beyond ready to find relief. I find it when I workout, not 100 percent but close enough to at least make it through the day. Sitting still is no longer an option for me. I planned to go to the Y to workout after dropping my ornery monkeypants at preschool.  So, imagine my surprise when I didn't turn to go to the Y. Didn't even slow down for the yellow light, shhhhh. ;-) I drove right past and went straight to the park. I don't even know what I was thinking to be honest. 
I parked the car and as I got my music ready, another car pulled in. My thoughts immediately went to crap. I can't do this. Then I was like, I can go walk and go from there. I got out and proceeded to the trail. It is a wide open space where my brain sent me to walk today. Every car that goes past can see!! The neighborhood around can see!! And worst of all, I can see :(
As I got started walking around that first lap, my brain kept saying just walk, Kim, That's all you are going to do. I walk and I watch as cars drive past (not many as it is a slower road), the woman from the parking lot is now running on the trail, a man from the  neighborhood has brought his dog over to the park. Just walk Kim. And I did just that, I walked. As I got close to the end of my first lap (It's a 0.7 mile path- I looked it up when I got home), I said, Just keep walking. A song came on and something snapped. No, I hadn't hurt myself. Something in my brain just said,stupid head, no one else gives a crap what you are doing! Yeah, there is a guy walking his dog, a lady running and a car just went by, but YOU are the fat chick who is stopping yourself from running just because you are the fat chick! Pull up your big girl pants and DO IT!! There are stations along the path that allow people to stop and do particular physical exercises, so I started at the first station and ran to the second. I RAN!! I walked to the second station, ran to the next, walked to the next, ran to the next. Lap after lap after lap. I did it and I realized, YES! I AM the fat chick that just ran!!! And I'm really excited about that.
I ended up running 1.4 miles! I walked a total of 2.8 miles for a total of 4.2 miles. I learned some valuable lessons this morning about running and me....1. I can do it!! I'm not a speed runner, but I have started.
2. I am stronger than I thought.
3. I am the only one paying attention to myself.
4. Someone should have told me to wear a pair of pants with a drawstring!!
5. I can do it!!
6. Running/ jogging is not as bad as I imagined.
7. I am my worst critic.
8. Running doesn't hurt my asthma nor my joint pain that I've been dealing with.
9. I made my husband smile today at the thought of me doing something that I know he loves to do.
10. I CAN DO IT!!


I really can do it. I'm the fat chick you might have seen running in the park today. I didn't break any world records, nor did I break any bones! But I did it. Today, I made some fat cry and feel better than I have all week, but most importantly I got over my fear of running fat!