Dear God

Dear God. It's me, again. It's 2 am and I'm asking for your help. You see I am newly diagnosed with having a joint disorder, rheumatoid arthritis to be specific. I hurt quite a bit. Well if I am honest, I hurt every day. Do I get relief? Yes, at times.
But this is not one of those times. God, I beg you for sleep. I just want to sleep right now. So terribly bad I want to sleep. I will deal with the pain as long as I can have the rest I need to make it through yet another day of aching, stiffness, fear of never feeling normal again, all of it! I will deal with it all, if you could please, PLEASE, give me some sleep.

I understand there is no relief for me right now for a reason. I understand that there is a test to all of this somewhere and that you say you only give us what we can handle, but Lord, I'm there. I'm at my breaking point and just need your help. Please let me feel your arms holding me up! PLEASE. I beg you for relief just long enough to rest. Even for a couple of hours, that would help my body to feel a break from this horrible, terrible disease that plagues me.

I don't expect others to understand why I am 38 years old and feel as if I've been slammed upon the ground continuously and then stomped upon after that. I don't expect others to understand the anxiety that comes with the pain -- the feeling of panic at those times when I am most tired and just want to feel the relief that sleep can sometimes bring on. I don't expect others to understand that even though I look normal, I feel far from normal. I just don't expect others to understand...

But you, you are my Father, my Savior, the ONLY one I can depend on (next to my sweet Schnookums who has had to hold me up quite a bit lately). I need you now more than ever to just bring a peace about me that I will feel. A peace and calmness that brings rest for this weary lady who most often doesn't even know what to do with herself.

Lord, I am asking for your hands of healing on me, especially these arms that are aching so terribly bad. Lord, I ask that you hold me up in the next 24 hours to help me to feel normal and to guide me in the way that shows Glory to You. And Daddy, I just need you to hold me more than anything. I need to feel your comforting touch, your understanding heart and your loving soul. In your Son's great name,                                             Amen.