Unexpected Sources of Peanuts

As I contemplated what to share today, I thought of things that surprised me when we first found out about Owen's allergies. What all foods peanuts were in. It's crazy, quite honestly, the number of things. We were so very blessed to be newly diagnosed when the FDA passed regulations regarding food labels. They clearly had to list those top allergens, like peanuts. And now have to say that they were manufactured on shared equipment. That in itself is a whole other can of worms.
But what kinds of foods have peanuts in them besides the logical, peanuts and peanut butter? Let's take a look at this individually.

• Sauces such as chili sauce, hot sauce, pesto, gravy, mole  sauce, and salad dressing - most often these are better and healthier homemade, so that is something to consider when purchasing sauces.
• Sweets such as pudding, cookies, and hot chocolate - This particular group isn't as surprising when you think of cookies and then pudding, but the hot chocolate threw us for a loop.
• Egg rolls - A lot of Asian cooking contains nuts. We avoid all Asian restaurants when Owen is with us to be proactive.
• Potato pancakes - This one surprised me at one point. My recommendation is to save your own mashed potatoes and make them yourselves. ;-) Again, homemade is always better when dealing with food allergies. Only you can control the ingredients in your foods.
• Pet food - Dog food and bird seed are two big culprits for having peanuts as an ingredient. Many dog's enjoy the taste of peanut butter. It's added protein to foods can be invaluable, but you have to be careful not to purchase those foods that include it. I say that because, imagine your dog ate his food and then "kissed" a peanut allergy kid. That can cause a severe reaction!!
• Specialty pizzas- Again, homemade is so much better. It's always a good rule of thumb to ask about ingredients. If they can't tell you, it's not worth it.
• Asian and Mexican dishes - As I said before, many Asian dishes have peanuts in them, as do Mexican dishes. Best rule of thumb is to avoid.
• Some vegetarian food products, especially those advertised as meat substitutes
• Foods that contain extruded, cold-pressed, or expelled peanut oil, which may contain peanut protein - Many allergists will actually tell you that you can have peanut oil, but they aren't specific that some peanut oils like the one listed here actually have those peanut proteins that individuals are allergic to.
• Glazes and marinades - These are very similar to sauces. They just aren't worth it for the most part.

Who doesn't grow up excited to go to the ice cream parlor to get a scoop with Pap or Ms. Nancy (she was our neighbor who would come get me and my sis and take us to Dairy Queen after we already had our jammies on- the shock ;-). Such fond memories)? Well, Owen, that's who. And kids like him. Dairy Queen is a dangerous place for him, actually. Ever watch them make blizzards, throwing chocolate candies (the ones with the peanut butter in them) around like they are nothing. There is cross contamination everywhere in that place, and they mark it as such everywhere. Graeter's? Who in Ohio doesn't just love that place? Owen, again. How sad that I remember going up there to get ice cream the entire time I was pregnant with him. We lived just across the tracks from there and it was such an incredible temptation, but the scoops are shared. We have been there a few times, and they are always incredible about getting a clean scoop from the back for us. But it's a nervous place for us.

And speaking of chocolate. You all know those orange wrappers. Owen knows them too. Sitting at baseball practice a few weeks ago, I saw someone open one of those and started to tell Owen to be careful when he calmly looked at me and said, "Mom, orange wrapper, be careful." hee hee. My little boy is growing up and knows what to avoid. I'd be in trouble if Reese's ever changed the color of their wrapper. But it's not just the orange ones. Hershey's? Typically a no-no. The big packages that have 6 full sized bars in them, those are the safe ones, manufactured in clean facilities. And chocolate chips are another item to be careful of.
The list actually could go on and on and on, but I hope I've given you thought about the ingredients you put in your food. I already shared what has and could happen again if Owen were exposed to peanuts. It could be worse next time. Remember, nothing changes without education. Make sure that you be proactive and educate yourself. I focus on peanuts because those are the worst in our house, but the seven common allergens that are severe are peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, wheat, milk, fish and shellfish. These are all life-threatening as well as others, so try to be mindful when you have dinner guests or are participating in a bake sale even.

Food Allergy Awareness Week

Food allergies are dangerous. If I don't get any other point across this week about them, please take that one piece of information and always keep it in the back of your head.
I'd like to take you to a dark day in our lives to show you the danger. Going back to December 4, 2009. It was a day like any others; running around ragged and trying to get everything done we needed to. That evening was Owen's special Christmas program at preschool, and we were all excited. We got all the kids together and went to enjoy the show. The preschool is awesome, first of all, and have a great organization to each event they have. Cookies are shared at the end of the performances so everyone has a chance at fellowship. I remember watching that program and being in awe of my big boy in his performance.
Once it was all done, the boys went with Wade to get some juice and cookies (please remember the preschool is a peanut-free environment) while I changed the baby's diaper. When the girls joined the boys, I saw they were already seated eating their cookies and didn't think anything of it at first as I was looking but not really seeing. Then I saw the one thing a food allergy kid Mom never wants to see and my heart stopped.
I saw my baby boy putting a cookie in his mouth that I knew was one that typically had peanut butter in it. Wade said that I became some strange super woman who smacked the cookie from his hand and shoved a Benadryl down his throat all in one second. Then I went in search of Ms. Julia, our preschool director. I needed to know what was in those cookies. I needed to know if he was truly in danger or if I was over-reacting. *Please note that Wade allowed the boys to get their own cookies and as a man, isn't aware of the typical ingredients in most cookies. He thought the cookie was sugar cookie. Remember, peanut-free environment.
After a few agonizing minutes and an announcement, my worst fears were confirmed. It had peanut butter in it. We called 911 and waited for the paramedics in the hall, praying we wouldn't have to use the epipen. I sat there holding Owen and making him repeat his alphabet. We started that to determine if we could hear a change in this voice or his breathing. We thought it would help us to know if it had gotten bad. The paramedics came and were great with him. They said while his heart rate was up, he seemed fine. Just watch him and the best thing would be for him to throw up. We went back in and felt better but not 5 minutes later, Owen threw up everywhere and started breaking out in hives. The reaction was continuing, and it was getting worse. Our preschool family was so very concerned as were we. We decided to stop at Station House 1 (the main fire station in our area) on the way home to have them check him out. When I brought him in, the 6 guys standing around understood my concern, but again, only his heart rate was elevated. They recommended more Benadryl and watching him. We took him home and did what they told us.
My heart said it was wrong. As I held Owen and prayed harder than I have ever prayed before, I felt my baby boy weaken and watched him transform before my eyes. He went from his beautiful pasty white winter skin to this horrendous red rash that covered him from head to toe. He was burning up suddenly and I was at a loss for what to do. We called friends for Alec and Sofia and rushed Owen to the emergency room.
That night is so much of a blur. The nurses tried to give him oral medication, but he couldn't keep it down. The doctor finally put the "straw" (iv) as they told Owen into his arm and pumped him full of steriods and epinephrine. They were fighting to save my baby's life, and I was helpless to do anything. They said his organs were the first to react to the peanuts. He was having an internal reaction rather than one we would normally see. He was in anaphylactic shock the minute the first paramedics were on the scene, but none of us could see it. Every reaction is different, but Owen's wasn't typical or was it easy to spot.
We spent a good portion of the night praying over our little boy before I finally sent Wade home because we knew he had to go to work the next morning. I remember him waking up the next morning and squeezing my hand. My heart burst with love as he told me he was hungry and tired and wanted to know when we were going to be able to go home. As any of my Mom friends can attest to, seeing your child in pain is one thing, but if you ever see your child fight for his life, you have seen one day too many.
This wasn't just over with the discharge from the hospital. You have to remember that his father gave him the cookie. Wade felt guilty; a guilt that no Daddy should ever have to feel.  He didn't mean to do it; it was an accident. Owen doesn't remember that night, thank goodness, but he does remember the cookie. And he remembers the days and months after of being sick and eventually (6 months later) being diagnosed with asthma because his lungs never fully recovered from the reaction. He actually shys away from cookies now because he does know what can happen.
Our baby is still alive, but the lesson from this story is that ignorance can cause death. The mother that ignored the signs and reminders that were posted everywhere that there to be no peanut products included in the cookies.. the mother that put my child's life in danger.. She chose to bring those cookies. She chose to ignore the warnings. She could have killed my child. Food allergies are dangerous, but equally as dangerous is not being careful. We learned many lessons that night, but the most important is that we need to be diligent to teach Owen how to live in a peanut world. It's everywhere, and no matter how determined I am to keep him safe, I cannot possibly get rid of the peanut industry (although I would love to). So, I prayed and determined that the lesson I could take from God in all this was that it is my job to make sure anyone I have contact with is educated and knows how severe food allergies can be.
Food allergies are dangerous. Food allergies can kill. Be alert. Be safe. and Be AWARE.

You want me to put what where and do what?

I believe my title says it all. So, I have worked super hard to get control of my eating, as many of you know, but I felt like it was time to start working on the whole exercise thing. Yes, that was the only 8 letter word that I considered worse than cursing. But I have been walking and added working out last Thursday. Doing really good and decided to plunge right into the P90X workout that Wade decided it was time to get.
Tony is his name. He's actually quite motivating. Another friend of mine thinks he's annoying. I can see that, but I marvel at his form and yeah, well, he does have a body that reminds me of a Greek god. I'm not looking to get ripped, although, that would be really cool one day. I'm looking to get fit, and P90X does that for people. Am I ready to do all the workouts, heck no!! I don't know a skinny person ready to do all the workouts. After doing some of the "easier" (Whatever) workouts the past few days, I decided to suck it up and start the actual process today. I did chest and back as well as the ab ripper. HOLY CRAP. While my calves are hurting from yesterday's jump roping exercises, thanks to You Tube (Great place to get workouts btw), I have to say my arms are already sore and my abs will never be the same.  I had no clue I even had muscles in some of those places!!
But I'm one step closer to the right direction. I am sure it would please Bob (yeah, I'm a Biggest Loser fan) to know that I'm starting the process and working hard.
So tomorrow is another day, and I can't wait to see what plyometrics are. I think I am in for some insanity tomorrow ;-) I will have to update you when I survive and if I can still walk when this is all over.

Thank you!

Today is a day to thank our service men and women who have found victory on the battle field. That being said, I do not wish to offend by saying the rest of this, but this is NOT a day to celebrate!!!
As an American, I can say that it is most satisfying to know that there are great individuals out there protecting our country and doing their job. For that, I am very thankful. As a Christian, I cannot help but think that God is a little sad today.

The Bible says that God never rejoices at the death of the wicked. "Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?’" Ezekiel 33:11
If we are to be Christlike, then we must not rejoice in the death of Bin Laden, the death of the unsaved. It is a sad thing when someone dies and goes into Hell. No Christian who has God's love in their heart should be glad to see anyone go to Hell. Many people rejoice that sinners are burning, but God is not pleased about it. God does not want ANY soul to perish in Hell.
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

I know this isn't popular thought today, but I can't help but be sad with God today. I see His tears in our rain. I say a prayer to thank God for the individuals who protect our country and even those who have "brought down the enemy," but I will not choose to celebrate the death of a sinner and the condemnation to Hell.

We sit numb....

You know the feeling. We didn't just watch a man die here. We watched our Jesus die. We saw Him hang from the cross. We watched him suffer. We fear the Jewish leaders. We hide from them hoping to save ourselves. It's the day after, and we sit here numb.......

There isn't much information in the Bible about the Saturday after. It is a day meant for rest and reflection because on this day Jesus "rested" in the tomb. This Silent Saturday is a long day. A long long day. It represents life as it is for all of us in so many ways. Though we like to say that we live on the other side of Easter and that of course is true in the ultimate sense, it is also true that we live somewhere between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

The crucifixion is behind us, but death is still with us. The final victory lies somewhere in the future. Every funeral reminds us that the final enemy that will be destroyed is death. Death was defeated by Jesus, but it has not yet been destroyed. That happy day is still in front of us.

Get ready!!! Something is about to happen that hasn't happened yet!! Thank God!!!! Praise the Lord that we are not moving back toward the crucifixion. It may be Saturday, but we're moving toward Easter. Sunday's coming. All we have to do is hold on a little while longer and Sunday will be here.

I say Keep the Faith! Yesterday our Lord was crucified. Today his body lies in the tomb. Tomorrow he rises from the dead. Saturday can seem like a long day. It is! But be positive. The crucifixion is behind us, and Saturday will not last forever. Sooner than we think, Sunday will be here.


We are on the march from Good Friday through Holy Saturday to Easter Sunday. We aren't quite there, but we're moving in the right direction. It's Saturday, but Sunday's coming. Let that thought give strength to your heart today.

When Girls go WILD

Now, I'm not talking taking clothes off and being crazy drunk, although, I kinda am. hee hee. I have determined that having a girl makes everything different!! EVERYTHING! They aren't like boys. They don't react to things in the same way nor do they expect things in a similar manner.
Take my sweet and sometimes hard to tolerate Monkeypants. I adore her, don't get me wrong. I'm blessed to have a little girl that I treasure and love, but she IS going to be the death of me!!! Let's talk specifics here.
In just the past month, she has managed to run away 2 times, climb three shelves up on her built-in bookcase to get and spread lotion throughout her bedroom (and cleaned it up, mind you), pour a 5 lb bag of flour on herself, the dog and the dog's bed, dump every box of baking powder or soda (I can never tell the difference between the two) all over the floor in front of the pantry, put sprinkles in every nook and cranny that exists in my house, drink enough hand sanitizer to get drunk but not sick and deleted the $4.99 app from my iPad that she plays the most. All of this accomplished with an adult somewhere close by and present. SERIOUSLY!! It isn't like we leave her alone for an extended period of time. We have found that we can't.
She can undo any child lock you put in front of her and has been the reason for the newly purchased iron gate that stands above my waist in my hallway and the antique door newly installed and locked to prevent her leaving this one space. And yet, I maintain that the child will be the death of me. Even when everything is removed from her grasp, she still manages to trash things. And when she has nothing to trash, it's cool to climb all over Mommy as if she is a jungle gym preventing her from getting a single thing done. As she is doing this very minute. I've learned to type under some certainly extreme situations-- my editor will appreciate that one day. ;-)



I believe that God has a really good sense of humor. My children show me that. The 9 year old who refuses to smile for a picture until I tell him to think of something funny in which he bursts out laughing so hard I think he's going to cry. When asked what struck him so funny, he replies, "you, Mom, in skinny jeans." REALLY! Or my dear 6 year old, who cannot possibly go through a single day without making me laugh so hard my face hurts. With his over dramatic hand motions as he tries to explain his point or his point in general that tends to be just slightly off kilter. And my precious Monkeypants.... all 2 years of ornery and sweetness rolled into one. If I didn't laugh at her, I would probably cry.
Just when I'm about to meltdown or need a Mommy Time Out, God throws me an insight that makes me have to smile and remember, I have to be flexible because that's what it is like to be a Mommy. Forever cleaning those messes that we didn't anticipate or cuddling because that is just what is needed at that time, despite the busy lives we lead and the "to do list" that never gets done.
Just remember.....
Psalm 127:3

Children are a heritage from the LORD,
   offspring a reward from him.

Thank you, dear Jesus for such blessings and such reward. I am forever grateful for the gifts that you provide.

For the Love of Flowers

When I moved into this house almost 6 years ago, I had hopes and dreams of keeping a beautiful flower garden in all the flower beds. There were hostas, black-eyed Susans, some big bushes that I couldn't even name, some purple flowers the previous owner had had in her wedding that I TRIED to kill but still haven't died, lots of different varieties of flowers.
My dream quickly faded as some of the best, sturdiest plants became overtaken by weeds. Man, I tried. I really did. But with 2 small children at that time and life's devious plans to move forward faster despite my need for time to slow down, it became completely impossible to keep up with those weeds. At one point, I actually couldn't tell the weeds for the flowers and was sure I would be fined by the city for not trimming them. I actually had that conversation with Wade. We decided it was time to do something about it and spent an entire month, it seemed buckled into that front flower garden getting rid of the weeds. It took every effort we had, only to find more weeds the following week. I thought we were doomed!!
But I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and was okay with the disaster that was my front yard, so long as my dear neighbor, Nick, did not improve his. Despite the fact that my friends and family joked about turning me into the HGTV show, Desperate Landscapes, I still knew that it could have been worse. I mean, I watched that show all the time. There were some pretty desperate lawns on that show. Yes, I was in some serious denial at that time.

Then one day, the horrible happened, not only had Nick done a little work in his yard, it looked better than mine!!!! And THEN, something that was spectacular but detrimental happened. Angela. My sweet and precious friend that I truly love and loathe at the same time. She has a green thumb. The greenest of all. She had hopes and desires, not different than my own when I had moved into our house. She was going to turn Nick's flower beds into something beautiful. Let me back up. Angela, Nick's girlfriend, had come to visit from India (and I can't wait until she lives her permanently because I miss her more than I would miss my left arm!). Angela was putting a great female twist on Nick's life, but we won't go into the smile that she put on his face and all that lovey-dovey stuff. It's about the flowers. The plants. That is why I say loathe. I don't have ill will for her whatsoever; I just cannot believe the awesome work she put in.
I would see her each day, out in the garden, weeding and planting new seeds and making a work of art. I even saw Nick out there doing work like the new paver patio and knew I was in trouble. So, I buckled down and began to work as hard as I could on my front flower bed. Rearranged things, bought some new bulbs, tried to take out those stupid blue plants again (they have already started coming up this year, so I'm doomed to keep the ones I do not like), put in a new bush at the end as I had taken out the big ones that were up there before and put in new weed cloth and mulch to finish out the bed. Then to top it all off and make it even better, I put a new border of stones around the front and a little fence to frame the back. Everyone in the neighborhood would come around and comment if we were out on how great it looked (which only goes to show they were surely talking about it before :-\)

Angela's Daffodils

Why do I mention this today? Well, I weeded my flower bed this morning with Angela on my mind. Thinking how proud she would be of me. I have a jump start on the season and am going to get mulch by the end of the day so that I can cover the hostas and protect them from the cold weather over the next few weeks. As I stood with my glove on pulling out weeds, I glanced over to see Angela's beautiful daffodils. And the start of her new tulips that she planted knowing she would not get to see them this year. I couldn't help but feel sad. I have been thinking of her gift of friendship to us and how she makes us better people. And her gift to Nick, her flowers. Last year as we planted together and decided what flowers should be there, she planned those flowers that she knew would come up when she went back home. And each time they came up, I'm sure they made Nick smile because they made me smile and my children who love her so much. This beautiful woman has come into our lives from halfway around the world to give us love in flowers.They are wonderful reminders that she will be back to tend them before we even realize it. But in the meantime, we will send her pictures and make sure the flowers are tended to because God gives us precious friends to remind us of the kind of people we should be. So today as I look to getting mulch, I will think of Angela's flowers and smile knowing the joy the pictures will bring her until she can come home again.

Beautiful Firsts

So yesterday, we treated the kids out to McDonald's and since they had been so good, we let them have ice cream cones.
This is a first for Sofia. Yeah, my 2 year old has never had an ice cream cone. So Wade took the kids up to get them and each had theirs to carry. When he hands hers to her, her little eyes were suddenly as big as ever and her grin matched. Oh what a great look on her face. Then she took her first bite. It was so cute to watch her eating that thing and being so happy. You could see she felt like such a big girl.
Imagine our surprise when she spit out a tiny bite of the cone. She kinda freaked and kept saying broken. I realized she didn't realize it could be eaten. It was just a vessel for her. So, I asked Alec to show her it can be eaten. She looked at him as if he were crazy at first, and then took her first bite. She looked at me like WHAT. hee hee. It was so darn cute.

These are the first that lighten my heart. I love all my babies first moments, but this is one of those different kinds. It's not like she'd been trying to do something and finally achieved it. It's a first cone, one of many more in her beautiful life I'm sure. I love the moment it created for us as a family as we giggle and enjoyed her personality each moment of that little cone. I praise the Lord for those moments... as those are the ones I treasure the most.

Living your Passion

So many of us live our lives never realizing our one true passion in life...that one skill in our lives that God has given us to provide us with a meaningful, truly happy existence. If you do not combine your work with your passion you will never achieve excellence and fulfillment. 

What blocks you from finding your passion, even integrating it into your current work? Is work meant to be boring, only a paycheck? Is fulfilling God's Will always sacrificial of your passions? If you follow your passions, will your income drop dramatically? No, I don't think so.

Do you know someone who is a person of passion? Can you think about their qualities and what makes them so passionate?
During a tough battle in World War II, General George Patton, one of the greatest military leaders of all time, said about battle, "God, I love it!" King David, also a warrior,s aid, "God, I love you!" Who would you like to be associated? Think about it for a minute. No, seriously. King David was a passionate warrior as can be seen throughout 2 Samuel. (2 Samuel 5:18-25, 21:15-22:4, 22:29-32 and in Psalm 18:2-3, 18:30-40, 60:10) How did David express his passion for God and what did that do for him?
What can it do for you? We are in a time where most of us are not in the military. We go to work every day and spend our 40 hours doing what? What kind of passion do we find there? Why is our passion so infrequently seen at work?

David's world of work and his passion for God were integrated. He said, "God is my rock...my stronghold, my refuge, and my savior" (2 Samuel 22:3). If your world of work (or school or everyday living) and your passion for God were integrated, chose the words you might use to complete this sentence: "God is my ...


I answer that saying inspiration. I am living my passion of writing and truly loving life. Time with my children and husband. Fulfilled by the Holy Spirit in a very fulfilling work. What is your passion? Do you live it?

Outrageous

I have waited out typing this emotional blog for a few days because my heart wasn't ready to face the insane truth in life. People do not care about other people, even children. And on top of that, they are teaching their children not to care.
Ignorance angers me beyond words. Ignorance scares me beyond words. Ignorance frustrates me to words. As I sit here typing this there is another mother praying over her child who is sick because of a deadly allergy to peanuts.... There is a mother praying over her child who is living with a deadly allergy to peanuts... There is a mother praying over her child's grave because of a deadly allergy to peanuts. I am not writing this for anyone but those mothers who walk this line with me. Please read on if you don't live it though as you deserve to not be ignorant.
As I prepared for bed the other night, the news teased me with a story. Let me allow you to read it for yourself.....http://www.cfnews13.com/article/news/2011/march/216839/Peanut-allergy-panic-at-Edgewater-school-has-peeved-parents-protesting
Now let me vent, dear friends. These parents are the ignorant that bring me to tears. I sit listening to stories like this and can't help but think of that battle I prepared for when I started the process of entering the schools. My little Owen needed an advocate, and we are his parents, the only true individuals in this world that give a crap about his life or death.
I have dear friends that i know think me crazy. I have friends who believe life must include peanut butter and their children might die without it. I have friends who say they understand who can never fathom the depths of what could happen. And I love them all, but until i educate them and others i haven't done my true job of protecting my child or living the destiny that God has given me.
Children with peanut allergies live their lives knowing that at any minute, it could be their last. Wanna know how severe, have ONE conversation with Owen about his allergy. Last week he came home from school and said, "Mom, know why I am wearing my fanny pack (he carries his epipen on him) on my hip?" I replied, "No, bud. Why?" His reply just shows how young he truly is. "I can unzip with this hand (left) and grab my pen like a gun in those things and stab my leg in seconds. I can be the hero and the hurt guy all at the same time."
How very sad that he lives in a world in which there are parents teaching their children that it is okay to pick on kids like him and parents who think washing their hands and mouths are an interruption into their children's school day. My response to that is this, "Do any of you care that a child can die in the hands of your own child because of your carelessness? Do any of you understand the interruption in the day should a peanut allergy child actually be exposed at school? Do you understand the emotional damage to a child who has to witness another child going into anaphylactic shock? Do any of you truly care about the life of a child and how can you possibly live with yourself and your ignorance knowing that you are fighting against a child's life!!"
I can tell you stories upon stores, but i will save that for my book. Yes, I am working on that as I have time. In the meantime, I urge teachers, parents, children even to educate themselves on this. Educate yourself on what your schools are doing. Those in our school district, know that there are safeguards n place for kids like Owen and if the severity increases, so do those safeguards. Anyone who has the nerve to tell me to my face to keep my kid home because their children deserve an education of convenience over my child, you will get my opinion. I love to educate and I will fight to the end of MY life educating those ignorant because if we keep going like this, no one will ever learn....

Another Blessed Day

I am so blessed. I could say that and be done with this post quite honestly.
I'm not going to tell you all the hopes for my birthday (like my voice to come back) and all that boring stuff. I don't want to brag about my amazing husband. I don't want to invoke crazy jealousy about that stud. It just wouldn't be right.
Today, I just want to share in my joy of The Lord.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

Trials Help Us Grow

Well, the week has been very trying and unfortunately, when that happens, it's so very easy to fall into old habits. I didn't eat as healthy this week as I did my first week. My weigh in this morning was 260.4. While that is still a loss of .4 pounds, that seems so insignificant to me. I am not in the slightest bit ready to quit or moving into my frustration zone as far as the weight loss. I know what I did wrong. I spent the week frustrated about this and that and overwhlemed by the million tasks I had put on my plate (excuse the pun). This week isn't any easier when it comes to work things, but I have Dad around to help relieve some of the burden. Although this morning, he was quick to tell me that I'm just like my Mom running myself in a million different directions. I will choose to ignore that like my Mom reference. Despite loving her, I am not ready to be like her. ;-)
I have felt that God has given me these weeks for trials, and I won't say that I failed because I didn't. I still lost some weight (albeit small and probably more water weight than anything). I will say that I succumbed quite a bit to the pressure. But it is another new week and another opportunity to do His Will. We have made efforts to improve the organization around the house, with doing extra toddler proofing to prevent future episodes of Sofia dumping out baking soda or drinking hand sanitizer or toothpaste. I believe that will help us to be able to do what we need to do to be successful and feel better about things. I do ask for your continued prayers and support as we keep going. And again, I invite those who are interested to walk with me. Wednesdays and Fridays at my church 10 am until we are pooped.
Well, as I finish this, Owen just poked Sofia in the eye. She is screaming. He is fighting back and it's time for lunch and Mommy needs some serious quite time!!! Love and Prayers to All.

No use crying over spilt lotion

My daughter is notoriously known for being able to cause incredible mass destruction in a matter of seconds. This morning is no different than any other with her powers of insanity in high gear. She got up at a decent time and was calmly watching tv in her room when I decided to go make breakfast. Mind you, my kitchen isn't in China or even further than a few rooms away, but seconds is all it takes. Her room was what we considered childproof.
Unfortunately, my sweet monkeypants figured out early how to undo the child lock on anything that we had locked up. She trashed the room yesterday by getting everything out of every toy basket and every door, which is no surprise and happens all the time. That is the reason that hadn't gotten cleaned up yet. Well, this morning to top it all off, she decided that it would be a great idea to get the big bottle of lotion that was 3 shelves up on her shelving unit. 3 shelves up!!! That required some climbing, of course.
Imagine my surprise when I went to her room to find her and most of the room covered in lotion. We are talking the radio, the shelves, the toys. THE WALL. I'm still trying to figure out how she got it. I seriously was gone the length of time it takes to take a bowl out of the cabinet and put cereal in it. That's it. No milk. nothing. Just cereal. 3-4 seconds max. And in that time she climbed and dispersed an entire bottle of lotion everywhere.

While this is very frustrating, and I hope she and I both learned a lesson (not sure what that one is yet) I'm trying to be positive and not think of the time it is taking away from other things I need to get done. I am thinking of the quality time with my monkeypants. Working together (only cause I've locked us in the room together until it is cleaned up). Just to give you an idea of the destruction, I have taken a photo because no  mess like this should go without a picture (reminds me of the time Owen dumped out an almost full gallon of paint in the kitchen..... hmmm must run in the family). Off to finish the cleaning! How exciting to get this memorable moment with my daughter. hee hee. ;-)

Drum Roll Please

I am quite pleased to say that I sit here typing this blog 6.6 pounds lighter!!! Official weigh in is 260.8 pounds.
YEAH!! Great victory, but I can't just be excited and not admit my faults as I go through this cycle or it will never end.
"At the same time the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we don't know how to pray for what we need. But the Spirit intercedes along with our groans that cannot be expressed in words." --Romans 8:26 (God's Word Translation)
We all have moments of weakness in any sin that we encounter, but God is with us. The Spirit is there to guide us by giving us strength to bear those weakness and exciting us to make efforts to sustain them and allowing us to endure those trials by ministering to us consolations and truths.
There aren't always words appropriate for situations. Sometimes we know what we need, but we just cannot express those needs. Even writers get writer's block. The Holy Spirit is the spring of all desires toward God, which are often more than words can utter. The Spirit who searches the hearts, can perceive the mind and will of the spirit, the renewed mind, and advocates his cause. The Spirit makes intercession to God, and the enemy does not prevail.
How is that associated with weight loss? Remember my first blog.. this is a sin. At least it is for me. I have sinned and fell short. Saying it isn't easy. Knowing what to ask God for is something I'm finding this week to be challenging to say the least. Is it selfish to pray for God's help? Am I asking the right things?  I also find it challenging to not only know what to ask for, but to feel strength in those moments when chocolate used to fix the situation.
I cannot say that I feel alone in this battle. I am almost overwhelmed by the strength that I can only attribute to my precious friends who are with me, no matter what their size. I, quite honestly, didn't realize how many people were reading my blog. I thank you guys. It is truly awesome to feel all of your hands on my shoulder as I go through the day making good decisions about health and nutrition.
I did have meals this week that weren't necessarily the best choices, but a meal here or there did not hurt the end results. I found that I couldn't think about that meal and stress out over it when I had another one to plan for the next day. So, I take on this second week with renewed strength and lighter feet with a thank you to all those who had encouraging words and an extension of fellowship to all those who need this journey as much as I do. Walk with me friends. Literally and figuratively. We walk at our church while we have cold weather, if you are local and wish to join us, let me know!! We welcome the fellowship. If you can't be here, awesome, do what you can. Park further out when you go to the store. Walk around every aisle at Walmart. (DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG THAT STORE IS!! hee hee). Take some extra steps with me and please, any healthy and easy recipes are more than welcome. Through God, all things are possible!!

Shake What Your Momma Gave you

I decided yesterday I want to dance. Then the little Veggie Tales song from Jimmy Gourd went through my mind, and I almost laughed out loud in church.
The lyrics are actually pretty perfect for me. I am a girl though and pretend me singing this in my biggest, most dramatic voice ;-)
Ever since I was a little boy
In widely tailored pants
My only aspiration was to
Be a gourd... who danced.

But for what it's worth
My portly girth
Only served to make folks giggle
'Cuz the more I moved
The more I proved
All I could do was... jiggle.

I want to dance!
I want to groove!
I need to feel
The rush!
Of the wind!
Under my shoes!

I want to dance...

You get the point. ;-) So, I wanted to jiggle (and I WAS listening to the sermon, Bill, so please don't think me a heathen). I decided we should get a dancing Wii game and asked Wade after church if we could go to Best Buy. As I looked and contemplated getting Dance on Broadway but I couldn't see myself dancing to Luck be a Lady. Kept looking through and wasn't sure the best bet. I watched an actual Zumba class and almost peed my pants laughing at the possibility that I would even ever try that. So, I settled on one that would be great for the entire family.... Just Dance Kids. With 40 songs ranging from Pop goes the Weasel to Who let the Dogs Out, it is perfect for the entire family.

So after our family walk, Owen and I decided it was time to start dancing. HOLY CRAP!! I have been walking at a great brisk pace and doing a good job keeping up with my skinny walking partner, but this made that look like a cake walk (excuse the sweet food reference hee hee). I was determined to get 20 minutes in and that was exactly the extent of what I was able to do. Apparently the dance that went along with Happy Birthday was too much for me as it had me sweating and done for the day!!!
But I DID IT!!! I danced for 20 minutes with only breaks in between songs as we selected the next one. I am so excited to do it again. This morning we have various errands to run and will be dancing at some point as I need to get in some movement on this very dreary day.
The encouragement I would like to pass on today to you, my dear friends, is to shake it. You can choose, as I do at this time, to shake it in the privacy of your own home. Or go out and find a great dance class (I know a wonderful dance studio in Lewis Center that does Zumba and hear the Y's class here in Grove City is super). No matter what though, let's get moving as sitting idle is not achieving our goals!! Weight check in tomorrow. A little nervous as I had a few off meals this weekend, but tomorrow is another day. God Bless and Keep moving!

And So It Begins

I am obese. I know, I know, not a huge shock there. It's quiet clear to everyone who has vision.
I looked in the mirror the other day and realized I really am fat. To those of you skinny snots out there, that isn't something that you know a thing about. It really does sneak up on you. On your thighs. On your arms. Around your waist and even in your eyes. Sounds strange to say that, but look into the eyes of a fat chick and you will see it all. We wear our heart on our sleeve and in our eyes. All of those fat cells seem to suck the life out of our eyes. As I stood staring at myself and what I've become I was ashamed.
I realized that God had given me a body and I pissed away his gift. (forgive me for the strong use of word, but that is truly what I feel right now).
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body," 1 Cor. 6:19-20
He bought and paid for me and what have I done in return!! It's like when you are 16 and your parents buy you your first car. You don't change the oil. You only find out E doesn't mean Enough when your Dad tells you as he's come to fill it with the can meant for the lawnmower. You let the tires get worn down and the interior looks like the inside of a trash can. Your a teenager who doesn't take care of her new toy. In no time, one bad choice right after another turns into the car of your dreams being something you really don't even want to get into because it looks bad. It rides bad. It feels bad. Guess what, I'm that car. And lately I most certainly feel like a worn out car.
Waking up fat is not something pretty. It takes time. It takes patience and it takes a fortitude that many don't have. That's why our beloved country has gotten to this extreme. So, I woke up fat and realized that my children deserve better. It's not for me. I would have done it years ago had it been for me, but there was clearly something keeping me back. I don't think my faith was strong enough. This week turned a corner for me. I had a great long-distance friend who gave me a wonderful starting point for nutrition and a great local friend who decided we should walk together. We've walked together twice this week and I hurt like heck. But I'll be there in the morning doing it again, because I cannot fail this time. I have too much riding on this one.
I keep reading that verse above and I have some major apologizing to do to my Father in Heaven. I took his temple and used it as my trash can. I didn't was the windows. I didn't do the simple maintenance to keep it a working building. But I don't read that verse with only negativity. I see such hope and such light in it. Because He IS with me. The Holy Spirit is with me wherever I go and whatever I do. I feel His power when I need the will power to avoid the bad foods in the grocery store. I feel His power when I don't want to get off the sofa and go walk. One painful step at a time. He's walked with me before. He walks with me again.
No more excuses. No more stalling. It starts here and it starts now. This 267.4 pound woman has had enough and that is that!!

True Love

My heart overflows with so much love today and always for my sweet, precious husband. Our first year of marriage, I crochet'd my heart to my him through an Anne Bradstreet poem. After 15 1/2 years of marriage, I still feel the same way.
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye woman, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the east doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay;
The heavens reward thee manifold I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persevere,
That when we love no more, we may live ever.
There really are few words that describe the true love that I feel for my husband. Now, I know that some of you will roll your eyes about this because that's what you do. Let me be honest, this post if for my Schnookums. I don't much care what anyone else thinks of this.

So, I say this to you, my dear, you are the sun that warms the Earth, the moon that lightens the night and the stars that listen to dreams. And for that, I love you like the sun. I love you like the moon. I love you like the stars. I love you. I love you. I love you. ;-)

I Saw Him

I saw God today and what a glorious sight it was. I started to go to bed already and as I finished my bath and prepared to lay down, my heart said, not yet. I felt Him speaking to me to come type this blog entry.
Tonight, as I entered the dance studio, I heard bits and pieces of a story that sent chills down my spine. He was right there. In the eyes of a mother. on the tired face of a little girl. Right in front of me!!! And as realization sets in now, I am amazed. I witnessed a Faith like none other. A Faith that can only show God.

Let me explain... It was a quiet night in the studio. I had taken Owen for his make up tap class and saw his teacher, Ms. Tracy speaking with a mother. As I put on Owen's shoes and prepared him for class, I only half listened to the conversation. It's a small room, you see, so a private conversation is not something that could happen. I saw this woman that looked no different than you nor I and heard something that struck me. "It's February, and I'm still here." I heard her talk about finding a doctor that she really trusts that will help the cancer go away. I heard her positive attitude and determination to beat this disease that has built a home inside her and I thought, wow! What an incredible woman (as I often do with cancer). Then I felt my heart tug as I heard her talk about her daughter who I had seen inside the studio dancing her little heart out. I don't know the family. I didn't recognize either of them, but Ms. Tracy had mentioned it was good that they were back. I then heard the mother talk about how her daughter had just finished a round of radiation for the cancer in her knee but that she was eager to be back at dancing. I didn't even get it then. As this little girl came out, just slightly out of breath with a beautiful smile on her face. Ms. Tracy said, I love the new hair too. The mother looked at her daughter with a look of sadness and said, "That's all that has returned." That's when it hit me. This little girl. This beautiful tiny dancer had been going through cancer as well. The battle raging in their home was on both mother and daughter and their struggle was together. I couldn't fathom. There were no words for these strangers...for this struggle with the devil to heal their broken bodies.

There are some who say, "God won't put anymore on your shoulders than you can carry." I have heard it many times in my life. The idea that God puts something on us and knows our limits and takes us to our breaking point to see how strong we are is not so. At least I don't think it is. God doesn't put things on us or send enormous tragedies that destroy us and fragment our lives. That's not the God I know.

Read the gospels. Listen about Jesus and see what God is like. Jesus doesn't pull triggers or walk down the street and wreck cars or send diseases to people, or cause heart attacks. God doesn't take a father or daughter from a family because God is lonely and needs them in heaven. Jesus heals and feed and opens eyes and befriends and loves! In our world, cars crash and diseases destroy and people act a fool. Why blame God for that!
Paul writes in Romans 8 that in times of suffering and struggle are not times when God is absent, but are times when God is most present with love and solidarity. God stands with us even in the worst of times and nothing, NOTHING, can separate us from God.
When forces larger than life swirl around us and seem beyond our control and overwhelm us, Paul says, "In all of this we are more than conquerors through the one who loves us." That sounds like a promise of victory to me. The cross and resurrection of Jesus show us God's conquest of suffering and death with life. Parade all of the forces that threaten to undo us and destroy us, and pull off their masks and you will see the fraud for what they really are! They cannot separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Their power is temporary. God is with us in our suffering, and we share with Christ in God's victory.
How is this belief possible? Look around. See the family battling cancer, the death of a loved one, an inexplicable accident. The Faith in the lives of God's people!
Skeptics call them foolish. Paul calls them victors, conquerors even. What do you call them?

Goodbye is never permanent

Friendship. It comes and goes and sometimes it goes without any realization. You make friends and life goes on. Before you realize it, you aren't really friends with them. One thing or another happens, you grow apart. You become different people and suddenly have nothing in common. Years go by and you find them on Facebook. You friend each other and while it's nice to catch up and see what life is like for them, it's not the friendship you had before.
I don't have many friends that I would consider close friends. I treasure each friend I have, but someone who I know I can go to and cry no matter what the situation, only two stick out. My sweet, adorable and loving husband who has been there through some tough times and loves me despite my flaws. My super bestest friend who has been there since we were little. She's the one that you call because you know she's the ONLY one that will truly understand. No matter how many years go between seeing each other or how many months between calls or emails, you know she will be there without judgment, with open arms and a wonderful listening shoulder to cry on.
Then God puts someone in your life that gives you hope for a close friend (cause we all know that girls long for that close relationship- that someone they can go to just because they need to talk about their significant other's gas or the way the dog is chewing on everything or just to talk about the difference between your toilets and the ones from her country ;-) I have a friend like that. My sweet Angelah. I have never met a woman like her... so strong and so loving. She has the biggest heart and the brightest soul. We can talk for hours and not even realize where the time has gone. And my children... oh, little Owen thinks she's his girlfriend and Alec loves to hear her stories. My little Fifi just thinks she hangs the moon.
We became friends out of proximity. You see, she's my neighbor's (One of the best neighbors a girl could ever ask for) girlfriend. But it is complicated. Her home is in India. Yeah, I'm talking the country all that ways away. God put Nick and Angelah together because He has a purpose. But God is also testing their relationship as well as others she has made because she can't stay in the United States but for a period of time and it's not just as simple as getting married and getting a Green card. As I said, it's complicated, but they are doing it the right way ;-)
So, for the second time in the past year, we have to say goodbye to our dear friend who has to go "home." I know I am bound to cry this week when I have to say goodbye because I am just that kind of sappy dope, but I do pray for strength as I know that goodbyes are always harder when you wear your heart on your sleeve. Tearing ourselves away from the people who mean a lot to us is one of the most painful things in life.
But as I think about saying goodbye, I hope that my dear friend knows how much she touched my heart and how much of an impact she has made on the lives of my entire family and holds dear to that as she awaits the day she can return (hopefully for good).
My favorite author, Maya Angelou, once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

I pray that holds true for my friend :-) We will miss you, but we know you will be home soon.

Looking Around

Today my blog post found me at church. Yes, I meant that exactly how I typed it. Someone struck me today (not physically, but mentally) and I can't help but think. What a great blessing to be able to do that: to think.
As we stood praising and worshiping with great songs that took me back to singing at the Senior Center with Red Motter (my older friends know who Red was) and an awesome worship team, someone walked in late. To be honest, I don't know him or his parents well. I sit on the same side as them and always say hello, but to go beyond that, we haven't had a conversation with them. He comes in with his wife oftentimes, but I noted he looked a bit disheveled as he came in late to join his parents. Alone. His parents shared some sort of look that said something, but not knowing them or the situation I couldn't tell what it was about, nor was I really interested.
What I could tell was that he seemed a bit off. I've seen him sharply dressed and smiling- a handsome young man. But today, he wore workout pants and a sweatshirt. He looked out of breath as he came in and stood. And despite the fact that I have seen him sing rather passionately during our time of worship and praise, he just stood there with his coat still on. I couldn't help but be distracted as I looked at the back/side of this person and thought, what has he been through this week? Then I started looking around (Ron would not have been happy to note that I continued this during the sermon when I most definitely needed to be listening, but my ADD had kicked in). I looked across the room at the beautiful teenager that I know and adore as she listened (yeah even she was listening - bad Kim. hee hee). I saw her glance at her mother with a smile and thought, what kind of week did she have? I looked up at one of my favorite elder of the church (I won't name names because I adore him too much to make others jealous that I like him the best. ;-) I saw the passion for Jesus and wondered what kind of week did he have?
How often do we go to church and have something else on our mind. Or something in our heart that we just can't let go to worship and allow Jesus to work his wonders. Then I looked down at my sweet Owen and thought about his week. I've been there for that, but how much do I really know. Do I really know what kind of week he had? Am I in tune in my own life to even know what kind of week I had?
Then I came back in tune and paid attention to hear Ron talking about being beggars for the Lord and I felt myself wondering about the kind of week that beggar he was talking about had before running into Peter and John. It wasn't literal. The beggar was lame. He was sitting in front of the church at the right time and the right place with the right question and the right attitude (YEAH, I was listening a little). He was asking for money, but he was asking for so much more.
How often do we go into church and we are begging for someone to pay attention and just notice that we are having an off day, whether we say it or not? And while they don't always do it, sometimes just a smile will make the difference for us. I hope my smile helped.....someone. I hoped my kind words helped....someone. I hope my quick hug helped....someone.
As we go through this next week. I challenge you to first of all read Acts 3, but also to think about the beggar and your own walk with Christ. May He give you strength to stand on your own, no matter what challenges you face this week. And when you are standing there, look around. He's not only right beside you, but He might be working to help someone else stand on weak legs. Just reach out your hands and help....someone.