For Better or For Worse

com·mit·ment   [kuh-mit-muhnt]

noun

1. the act of committing.

2. the state of being committed.

3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

4. a pledge or promise; obligation: We have made a commitment to pay our bills on time.

5. engagement; involvement: They have a sincere commitment to religion.

I am thinking about the meaning of the words we use in our wedding vows. For better or for worse, no matter what happens. Whether he forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste or she leaves hair in the drain. Whether he promises you something and breaks your heart when he changes his mind or she says she loves you only to never show you an ounce of affection. We make this promise with "God and these witnesses." But is it for real or is it just empty words we say because of tradition?

Commitment as defined above (courtesy of dictionary.com) is clearly a mindset - a way of thinking that will allow both you and your spouse to weed through this insane jungle that has become a "stronger" relationship. That C word (commitment if you aren't reading closely) is quite important when we face those conflicts that come with any marriage. The number one reason for divorce right now is "irreconcilable differences," but God calls us to a higher kind of love that will resolve those differences. Love is defined as a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. but I can say that I love food... I love my children... I love reading..... I love my husband.... I love chocolate.... I love the smell of the air after the rain. These are not listed in any particular order, but you see my point here? It's a word that is used as flippantly as our vows. The level of love is so very different for each of them. Love can be friendship and companionship, natural affection, physical attraction. No matter what it is, if circumstances change, love might change. 
Maybe today you look at your husband, realizing this is not the man you married. You pause and wonder what happened to that man. Is this guy living in your house anywhere close to the incredible man you once stood at the alter (or the copier- my friends will get that one) with and professed your true love "for better or for worse." Maybe he has put on some weight? Maybe he has developed a grouchy nature? Maybe he doesn't fight with you with the spirit he once had? While you are thinking of that, I want you to also think, maybe you aren't the wife he married! Are you doing everything you can to show him in a way he understands how much you love him? Are you communicating with him on a level that is suitable for him (NOT YOU)? 

 There are some very strong barriers in relationships that work against us building a strong commitment with our husbands. This isn't by chance, it is challenging by design. We are human and we do things that step in front of that love.
Toby Keith sings the song, "I wanna talk about me." That comes to my head right now because of the verse. 
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee
I wanna talk about me


We are self-centered people. Because we are sinners we centralize our sin into self-gratification. Guess what, Princess, it's not about you!! It's about both of you (all of you if you are a family).

We all have baggage, both emotional and spiritual. Dara Maclean sings "Suitcases."  which gives us a great perspective on this. Past experiences, especially those sins and habits that are unresolved, haunt relationships- marriages. We must deal with these before God. Sometimes it takes help, but we can all find that freedom we seek as long as we commit to making changes and actually LET GO!

"Busy doing nothing" ? Is this you? Do you do so much that you don't have enough meaningful time to spend together nurturing your commitment? I feel like this sometimes, but you have to push through and schedule time in, no matter what is going on.

"Love is not a fight."  We don't always know the true meaning of marriage, but I can tell you that it's not fighting all the time. If you have never seen an example of a healthy marriage, it's going to be hard. But know there are others around you that want you succeed! It's not about who can yell the loudest or gets in the last word. Love is not a fight, which brings us to our last point.

Commitment includes speaking with your spouse. Not just a "Hello" when you walk in the door, but REAL communication. How you do that or fail to do that is crucial in a healthy marriage. Don't let words end what you worked so hard to build.

I'm not a professional, although my friends will say I play one at the local coffee place when they need a shoulder ;-) You know who you are and that I love you no matter what is going on. One thing from talking to those friends and others around me that is obvious... If a couple is committed to one another, then no matter what obstacles or barriers are in place, they will somehow manage to make it work. Love never fails! God is capable of bringing healing to any crisis, but you have to trust Him and let your heart trust Him. You must also be willing. Remember, our God is a God of love. He does not destroy and He doesn't fail for better or for worse.