Today is the Day

I am a 38 year old Mom, and I have arthritis. I feel like I am attending one of those meetings with the twelve step plan when I say that, but I am in denial about it and have decided that today is the day.
Amidst all this pain and feelings of failure, I must admit that not only am I human, but I'm aging faster than I ever imagined because of a horrible disease. Arthritis. Up until a few weeks ago, I just thought that was for the elderly or my Daddy (who will never age in my eyes).
I offhandedly received a diagnosis a few weeks ago and despite the fact that current tests have all come back negative, my doctor is still holding onto this diagnosis. I even get to go to one of them there special doctors to have them figure out the cause. But as part of this day that I own this pain and I step up to the plate regarding it, I want to tell you about a typical day.
Yesterday was an awesome day! I woke up and my pain level before my medication was about a 4 or 5. Yeah!!! I continued through my day and even with my medications, I would say that I never did get down below that 4. But it was still a good day. Today I got a slap in the face. Sometime overnight a Mac truck came into my home and ran me over and over and over and over and over, you get my point? I awoke at 3:30 this morning to this horrible pain in my arms and hands. I got up to go to the bathroom and found that the pain was also in my left knee and my hip. I hobbled to the bathroom and debated on if I go back to bed, take more pain medication or just get up for the day. Afraid that taking the pain medication would mess up my schedule, I just went back to bed. I don't wish I had done differently, but I do wish for a different outcome.
I took my pain medications this morning and took the two that is normally prescribed because the pain was that bad. As I keep moving, it does lessen the pain a little but I am still at an 8 even 3 hours after taking the pain medication. But life moves on. I had a few victories today. I started my van by myself this morning! Not once, but several times. That's a victory! I walked Owen up to the building today and made it back to my van without crying. That's a victory! I typed up a story that was on deadline for the paper and was only an hour late. That's a victory!
But let me share a few others that you wouldn't even think of. I brushed my hair today. I opened the lid on a cup as my 10 year old watched and waited to see if I needed his help. I put on my socks and only cried a little when my Daddy asked me if I needed his help. I tied my shoes as my 7 year old looked at me and said, "Mommy, I can do that for you if it is too hard." I took clothing out of the dryer and made it to the bottom of the steps before I couldn't carry them any further. I walked down the steps to do that. I typed this blog.
How humbling an experience it is to feel so helpless.  As I left the preschool this morning thankful that Sofia had helped me both buckle and unbuckle her seat belt, I was floored by the Glory of God. As I struggle to have strength to do even the small things that I have taken for granted, a song came on the radio, Sufficient by Adie Camp. I sat in the van and cried out to Him for the strength just to make it through even one day and He enveloped me in His arms and reminded me that He is always there for me. He is truly all that I need. So those clothes that are at the bottom of the stairs, they better watch out cause I'm going to carry them up the steps! And those dishes that are sitting in there are going to be washed. Today is the day that I face this head on and do not let it defeat me. Today is the day.

Loving me In spite

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.
                                                                                            Jeremiah 31:3

Shocking headline here: I'm not perfect. GASP! I know; calm down. There's more. You are not perfect either. Okay, pick up your jaw from the floor. Chill out for a moment and hear me out. There is hope for  both of us if we just believe! Every day, I wonder at the goodness that is the Lord and the fact that no matter what I do, no matter how horrible I am as a human being, He still loves me! In spite of my flaws He loves me. I dare say, because of my flaws He loves me.

I woke up this morning and sinned from the get go. I'm sure I did because that is my nature. We were created with flaws, and Eve, the mother of sin, started the pattern of how we were going to behave, yesterday, today and even tomorrow. God made us with His love and He created us knowing that one day we would sin and He would have to love us in spite.

How humbling that feeling is for me! I know that He loves me. I just can't quite grasp why. I am an overall decent person, but I really do have my bad habits. I yell a little too much at my children some days. I am a horrible housekeeper. I get mad at my husband when he is impatient with me. I am addicted to food. I am just flawed, a diamond in the rough. And Praise the Lord because He loves me in spite!

For Better or For Worse

com·mit·ment   [kuh-mit-muhnt]

noun

1. the act of committing.

2. the state of being committed.

3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

4. a pledge or promise; obligation: We have made a commitment to pay our bills on time.

5. engagement; involvement: They have a sincere commitment to religion.

I am thinking about the meaning of the words we use in our wedding vows. For better or for worse, no matter what happens. Whether he forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste or she leaves hair in the drain. Whether he promises you something and breaks your heart when he changes his mind or she says she loves you only to never show you an ounce of affection. We make this promise with "God and these witnesses." But is it for real or is it just empty words we say because of tradition?

Commitment as defined above (courtesy of dictionary.com) is clearly a mindset - a way of thinking that will allow both you and your spouse to weed through this insane jungle that has become a "stronger" relationship. That C word (commitment if you aren't reading closely) is quite important when we face those conflicts that come with any marriage. The number one reason for divorce right now is "irreconcilable differences," but God calls us to a higher kind of love that will resolve those differences. Love is defined as a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. but I can say that I love food... I love my children... I love reading..... I love my husband.... I love chocolate.... I love the smell of the air after the rain. These are not listed in any particular order, but you see my point here? It's a word that is used as flippantly as our vows. The level of love is so very different for each of them. Love can be friendship and companionship, natural affection, physical attraction. No matter what it is, if circumstances change, love might change. 
Maybe today you look at your husband, realizing this is not the man you married. You pause and wonder what happened to that man. Is this guy living in your house anywhere close to the incredible man you once stood at the alter (or the copier- my friends will get that one) with and professed your true love "for better or for worse." Maybe he has put on some weight? Maybe he has developed a grouchy nature? Maybe he doesn't fight with you with the spirit he once had? While you are thinking of that, I want you to also think, maybe you aren't the wife he married! Are you doing everything you can to show him in a way he understands how much you love him? Are you communicating with him on a level that is suitable for him (NOT YOU)? 

 There are some very strong barriers in relationships that work against us building a strong commitment with our husbands. This isn't by chance, it is challenging by design. We are human and we do things that step in front of that love.
Toby Keith sings the song, "I wanna talk about me." That comes to my head right now because of the verse. 
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee
I wanna talk about me


We are self-centered people. Because we are sinners we centralize our sin into self-gratification. Guess what, Princess, it's not about you!! It's about both of you (all of you if you are a family).

We all have baggage, both emotional and spiritual. Dara Maclean sings "Suitcases."  which gives us a great perspective on this. Past experiences, especially those sins and habits that are unresolved, haunt relationships- marriages. We must deal with these before God. Sometimes it takes help, but we can all find that freedom we seek as long as we commit to making changes and actually LET GO!

"Busy doing nothing" ? Is this you? Do you do so much that you don't have enough meaningful time to spend together nurturing your commitment? I feel like this sometimes, but you have to push through and schedule time in, no matter what is going on.

"Love is not a fight."  We don't always know the true meaning of marriage, but I can tell you that it's not fighting all the time. If you have never seen an example of a healthy marriage, it's going to be hard. But know there are others around you that want you succeed! It's not about who can yell the loudest or gets in the last word. Love is not a fight, which brings us to our last point.

Commitment includes speaking with your spouse. Not just a "Hello" when you walk in the door, but REAL communication. How you do that or fail to do that is crucial in a healthy marriage. Don't let words end what you worked so hard to build.

I'm not a professional, although my friends will say I play one at the local coffee place when they need a shoulder ;-) You know who you are and that I love you no matter what is going on. One thing from talking to those friends and others around me that is obvious... If a couple is committed to one another, then no matter what obstacles or barriers are in place, they will somehow manage to make it work. Love never fails! God is capable of bringing healing to any crisis, but you have to trust Him and let your heart trust Him. You must also be willing. Remember, our God is a God of love. He does not destroy and He doesn't fail for better or for worse.

Pain and Healing in Haiti

Photo courtesy of Waves of Mercy

Haitian earthquake survivor, 18-month-old Louvenda sits with her aunt in the home of a Waves of Mercy church family as she awaits medication to prevent infections from burns caused by the earthquake.

Photo courtesy of Waves of Mercy

Haitian earthquake survivor, 18-month-old Louvenda sits with her aunt in the home of a Waves of Mercy church family as she awaits medication to prevent infections from burns caused by the earthquake.

I want you to look at that little girls eyes. I want you to look hard at her and not feel something. If you don't feel something, then you probably shouldn't read further. I met Louvenda through this picture 2 years ago. I can barely stand it knowing that it has been two whole years since I fell in love with this beautiful baby. You see, there was an earthquake in Haiti. It changed lives forever. My friends at Waves of Mercy, an incredible group of missionaries who have made their lives caring for the already desperate Haitian people, were ones that were helping the earthquake survivors. It was my job, as a reporter to speak to them and bring their story  home. Here's the problem. I spent several hours talking to my friend Lori (who is now Conley btw ;-). Only to not write the story we had planned for the article. I got this picture and God started working. Everything I had written was deleted. I couldn't do it. I couldn't NOT talk about Louvenda. Her little eyes begged me to tell her story; to etch it in my own heart and others forever. Here is the story of Louvenda.

Local groups help earthquake survivors in Haiti

(by Kim Lunsford, Staff Writer - January 22, 2010)

Who will be saved? Mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and complete strangers are making that decisions for families throughout Haiti. Louvenda is one of the children who became a victim of the Haitian earthquake.

Last Tuesday, the 18-month-old child was playing around the fire as her mother prepared dinner. Many Haitians do not have what some would call a normal kitchen. Outside the home, a little more than two feet off the ground, stands a round container resembling a crude wok filled with charcoal that is more like burnt wood than the briquette most Americans are used to seeing. Squatting around the pot centered in that wok, Louvenda's family began to feel the Earth tremble just as the other Haitians in and around Port au Prince. The pot tipped over onto the girl leaving her badly burned.

Louvenda's story continues as she is forced, like many other injured Haitians, onto a bus to be transported inland for either treatment or even death from their injuries. After a 12-hour bus ride into Port de Paix and passing out from the pain, the girl's fate was no more secure than it was when leaving the capital city.

Three busloads of homeless and hurt Haitians were delivered to the Port de Paix airport last weekend. In Haiti, it is the responsibility of the family that brings in the sick to feed them and pay for the necessary medications. Many victims have no family to pay for their care. They were just dropped off. In the care of her aunt, with no money and no medicine for treatments, the hospital turned Louvenda away.

Nobody wants the baby. They believe she will not survive the gangrene infection that would soon set in.

Nobody but Madame Diana and Papa Larry.

Larry and Diana Owens run Waves of Mercy mission in Port de Paix and have been in the country for 30 years taking care of Haitian orphans, street boys and widows in need.

After starting their original mission, Northwest Haiti Christian Mission, the Owens family began raising their children to know the work of a missionary. Today, while home base is in Versailles, Ky, there are two of their children as well as their spouses and their children who live and work in Haiti alongside them running the NWHCM. For their retirement gift to themselves, The Owens' created Waves of Mercy.

"They are no longer in Haiti helping, they are there living," said Lori Trousdale, director of programming and ministry at Amazing Grace Christian Church in Grove City, and their daughter.

In their outreach, they are reaching to the street boys and widows in the Port de Paix area of Haiti and their role is increasingly adapting after the tragic earthquake that has changed everything. Madame Diana and Papa Larry will be working in the hospital of Port de Paix. They will feed the injured, clothe them, and begin to make preparations for a home for well over 100 refugees.

They are providing shelter for Louvenda and her aunt and the Silvadene cream that helps neutralize the infection that might just save the girl's life.

Trousdale said this small mission is different than the other groups that are now going into Haiti. Rather than being a mission that takes out administrative costs, Waves of Mercy uses all funds to provide what local Haitians need.

This is the reason some local churches and organizations are getting involved, said Cindy Knehans, church secretary for Christian Assembly in Columbus.

"We wanted to make sure we were giving it to someone who was not eating it up with administrative fees," she said.

Christian Assembly is partnering with Amazing Grace Christian and other area churches, organizations and individuals to help aide the earthquake victims. Currently Amazing Grace Christian is gathering items to help the Haitians, not only through this hurdle, but the one that comes in six months from now when they are going to have more needs.

"When there is a need, that's what we are here for," Cheryl George of New Birth Christian Ministries said. "God has put it on my heart to do as many sheets as possible."

New Birth is focusing on the burial cloths the Haitians need to bury their victims. Their outreach ministry, Food for the Souls works to feed and help the homeless.

"Anytime there is a cry for help, we are going to step up and put our best foot forward to help," George said. "We are all family. We are all God's Children. We were put here to help."




This story went to print on the above date, January 22nd. I got news on the following Sunday that the day before the story went to print, Louvenda passed. I cried for her as if she were my own. I wept openly for the loss of such a beautiful little girl who was doing nothing wrong and was taken from this world way too early. But then I rejoiced because I know that God knew He would be holding her. He knew she would be coming soon to meet Him. I rejoice today knowing that one day I will meet this little girl in Heaven and tell her about the story I wrote for her in the final days of her life, the story that I cried over every last word as God gave me them to print. I rejoice knowing that God does wonders everyday and through the story of Louvenda, many in Central Ohio who read the story gave to Haiti and helped others who were fighting the same battle.
It's not over, people. There is still so much suffering and loss in Haiti. The poverty is so incredibly prevalent. The people of Haiti are struggling to survive, and the battle is still being waged. I ask those who are reading this to please consider those still in Haiti helping and pray. But more than that, give. They still need help. Consider the missions there. I know Waves of Mercy is always needing help, and with Big Dave struggling for survival right now, I am sure Eyes Wide Open International could definitely use help. There are others there that you may know of, but consider giving or at least visiting the websites above to see what you can do to help!!