For Better or For Worse

com·mit·ment   [kuh-mit-muhnt]

noun

1. the act of committing.

2. the state of being committed.

3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

4. a pledge or promise; obligation: We have made a commitment to pay our bills on time.

5. engagement; involvement: They have a sincere commitment to religion.

I am thinking about the meaning of the words we use in our wedding vows. For better or for worse, no matter what happens. Whether he forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste or she leaves hair in the drain. Whether he promises you something and breaks your heart when he changes his mind or she says she loves you only to never show you an ounce of affection. We make this promise with "God and these witnesses." But is it for real or is it just empty words we say because of tradition?

Commitment as defined above (courtesy of dictionary.com) is clearly a mindset - a way of thinking that will allow both you and your spouse to weed through this insane jungle that has become a "stronger" relationship. That C word (commitment if you aren't reading closely) is quite important when we face those conflicts that come with any marriage. The number one reason for divorce right now is "irreconcilable differences," but God calls us to a higher kind of love that will resolve those differences. Love is defined as a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. but I can say that I love food... I love my children... I love reading..... I love my husband.... I love chocolate.... I love the smell of the air after the rain. These are not listed in any particular order, but you see my point here? It's a word that is used as flippantly as our vows. The level of love is so very different for each of them. Love can be friendship and companionship, natural affection, physical attraction. No matter what it is, if circumstances change, love might change. 
Maybe today you look at your husband, realizing this is not the man you married. You pause and wonder what happened to that man. Is this guy living in your house anywhere close to the incredible man you once stood at the alter (or the copier- my friends will get that one) with and professed your true love "for better or for worse." Maybe he has put on some weight? Maybe he has developed a grouchy nature? Maybe he doesn't fight with you with the spirit he once had? While you are thinking of that, I want you to also think, maybe you aren't the wife he married! Are you doing everything you can to show him in a way he understands how much you love him? Are you communicating with him on a level that is suitable for him (NOT YOU)? 

 There are some very strong barriers in relationships that work against us building a strong commitment with our husbands. This isn't by chance, it is challenging by design. We are human and we do things that step in front of that love.
Toby Keith sings the song, "I wanna talk about me." That comes to my head right now because of the verse. 
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee
I wanna talk about me


We are self-centered people. Because we are sinners we centralize our sin into self-gratification. Guess what, Princess, it's not about you!! It's about both of you (all of you if you are a family).

We all have baggage, both emotional and spiritual. Dara Maclean sings "Suitcases."  which gives us a great perspective on this. Past experiences, especially those sins and habits that are unresolved, haunt relationships- marriages. We must deal with these before God. Sometimes it takes help, but we can all find that freedom we seek as long as we commit to making changes and actually LET GO!

"Busy doing nothing" ? Is this you? Do you do so much that you don't have enough meaningful time to spend together nurturing your commitment? I feel like this sometimes, but you have to push through and schedule time in, no matter what is going on.

"Love is not a fight."  We don't always know the true meaning of marriage, but I can tell you that it's not fighting all the time. If you have never seen an example of a healthy marriage, it's going to be hard. But know there are others around you that want you succeed! It's not about who can yell the loudest or gets in the last word. Love is not a fight, which brings us to our last point.

Commitment includes speaking with your spouse. Not just a "Hello" when you walk in the door, but REAL communication. How you do that or fail to do that is crucial in a healthy marriage. Don't let words end what you worked so hard to build.

I'm not a professional, although my friends will say I play one at the local coffee place when they need a shoulder ;-) You know who you are and that I love you no matter what is going on. One thing from talking to those friends and others around me that is obvious... If a couple is committed to one another, then no matter what obstacles or barriers are in place, they will somehow manage to make it work. Love never fails! God is capable of bringing healing to any crisis, but you have to trust Him and let your heart trust Him. You must also be willing. Remember, our God is a God of love. He does not destroy and He doesn't fail for better or for worse.

Talk to Me Tuesday: Candid Discussions with Kim

Tuesdays will be our communications day here at Insanity. I will be doing book reviews one week out of the month, but on other Tuesdays, we will be talking about particular topics. I welcome any and all comments but ask that you please not fight or bicker or post anything that is vulgar. Your comments will be deleted should you not follow the rules.

What sort of things do people identify as the chief distinguishing characteristic of a Christian?

This question can be answered in so many different ways that I won't be surprised to hear many of your answers. While there are many characteristics I can think of, the one that is strongest in my mind is love. I think of the biggest example of love that Christians have is Christ himself. Jesus knew from a very early age that He had a big task to take on. He knew he was going to die, yet He never acted out in anger or frustration at those around Him that believed but did not behave correctly. He knew He was going to die for our sins. But it's not His particular love that is the strongest. It's God's. He gave us His Son knowing that we were going to rebuke him. Knowing that He would ultimately die to save us all. That love is so completely remarkable and overwhelming that it is hard to even describe the weight I feel when I think of it.
Love of other Christians now-a-days cannot always be seen which I find so terribly sad. I have friends that I absolutely adore who go to church with us. They are such loving people. Their children are loving children. I see that Christian love in them. When they walk in the room, there is never a person who does not feel the love by each member of the family. They smile, they hug, they envelope each person they see with an invisible shield of Christ-like love. AND YOU FEEL IT!! It's not the uncomfortable, those freaky people are coming are going to hug me feeling. It's the warm milk and cookies like you just walked into Grandma's house, glad they are here feeling.
I want to be like that!! That is the one characteristic that I, as a Christian, am excited and proud to know is a Christian characteristic that I strive for each day.

Discuss amongst yourselves ;-)