May 30, 2012

It's just a blue bird

I saw a blue bird on my gutter this morning as my neighbor sat over talking with me (after seeking my much needed medical attention, LOL). I've seen that same bird what seems like a million times in the tree next to our fence where it lives, and didn't pay any attention to it.
This morning as I pointed it out to my sweet friend, I saw her eyes light up as she expressed that she had never seen one up close like that. I thought about how our experiences are so unique from person to person. To me, it was "just a blue bird," but to her it was a vision of beauty. I saw her eyes light up and and a childlike pleasure spread across her face.
I looked at the bird differently in that moment and my "unable to focus today" brain had just seen a beautiful creation of the Lord. We only looked at the bird for a few minutes but in those few minutes I was able to see the vibrant blue color on its wings and marveled at what a beautiful bird it really is.

So that started this blog entry only for me to realize that what I thought was a blue bird all along was a blue jay. The difference you ask? This.... Is a blue bird. This is not the bird we saw.
This, on the other hand.... is what we saw. The incredible bright white and blue is something you don't forget if you pay attention. Does it matter what the difference between the two are? Not really, but my point in all this is that I didn't take the time to notice there was a difference. The birds are both blue, but other than that, they are two different creatures created by God. I am a woman, just like my neighbor, but we are two different creatures created by God.

Today, I choose this lesson to force me to look around and notice the differences in our world created by our Lord. I choose to not look at someone as if they are exactly like me and embrace the differences that are all around me.

May 16, 2012

Rain

Philippians 4:13

New King James Version (NKJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

When it rains it pours. So many times, we hear this phrase and truly understand the content. It's been raining in our house for a little while, but the rain really hasn't been as bad as I see others around me. I have a dear friend who I love more than myself who is dealing with a new cancer diagnosis. I am watching her struggle with this news and the uncertainty in which it has brought to her life. I know that each and every day she awakens to look in the mirror and wonder why this horrible disease has decided to pick her. Why her? I've already cried with her (unfortunately, not in person) and I've already prayed with her. 
I am watching her strengthen with each new appointment and watching her determination, which I already knew she had, finally start to come out in her words. I see her struggle, yes. But she's holding an umbrella of faith, love and hope that is keeping the rain from getting her bogged down and soaked in misery.
And whether she knows it or not, she's helping me. I am so focused on her and praying for her peace and her comfort and her doctors to say the right words, that I haven't had a lot of time to just sit around and think about my rain. I could be drowning and choosing to let the rain depress me, but it's not pouring at my house.
And it's not pouring at  your house either, no matter what you might think. My friend has cancer, and as much as it hurts me to say that, it's not pouring at her house. Rain is all around us if we open our eyes to see it, but the umbrella of Christ will hold it back and strengthen us more each day. It is all in our perspective.
Look around you and see the Son and make a choice to look past the rain.


Dear Heavenly Father,
It's raining in my house. It's raining in my friend's house, more friends than I probably know. But you are helping me and bringing the umbrella that will keep me dry despite how hard it rains. I see your love and I see the Son and I know that He will lift us all out of our personal storms and bring us the peace we need to show us the rain is exactly what we need. Bring it on, Father! We are ready to look for the promise you bring when that rain is over.
In Your Son's most highest name,      Amen.

May 6, 2012

Dear God

Dear God. It's me, again. It's 2 am and I'm asking for your help. You see I am newly diagnosed with having a joint disorder, rheumatoid arthritis to be specific. I hurt quite a bit. Well if I am honest, I hurt every day. Do I get relief? Yes, at times.
But this is not one of those times. God, I beg you for sleep. I just want to sleep right now. So terribly bad I want to sleep. I will deal with the pain as long as I can have the rest I need to make it through yet another day of aching, stiffness, fear of never feeling normal again, all of it! I will deal with it all, if you could please, PLEASE, give me some sleep.

I understand there is no relief for me right now for a reason. I understand that there is a test to all of this somewhere and that you say you only give us what we can handle, but Lord, I'm there. I'm at my breaking point and just need your help. Please let me feel your arms holding me up! PLEASE. I beg you for relief just long enough to rest. Even for a couple of hours, that would help my body to feel a break from this horrible, terrible disease that plagues me.

I don't expect others to understand why I am 38 years old and feel as if I've been slammed upon the ground continuously and then stomped upon after that. I don't expect others to understand the anxiety that comes with the pain -- the feeling of panic at those times when I am most tired and just want to feel the relief that sleep can sometimes bring on. I don't expect others to understand that even though I look normal, I feel far from normal. I just don't expect others to understand...

But you, you are my Father, my Savior, the ONLY one I can depend on (next to my sweet Schnookums who has had to hold me up quite a bit lately). I need you now more than ever to just bring a peace about me that I will feel. A peace and calmness that brings rest for this weary lady who most often doesn't even know what to do with herself.

Lord, I am asking for your hands of healing on me, especially these arms that are aching so terribly bad. Lord, I ask that you hold me up in the next 24 hours to help me to feel normal and to guide me in the way that shows Glory to You. And Daddy, I just need you to hold me more than anything. I need to feel your comforting touch, your understanding heart and your loving soul. In your Son's great name,                                             Amen.