December 30, 2011

What the new year brings

I am working on my blog for the upcoming year and have decided to use this next year to move to a daily posting schedule. I am still working to finalize that schedule, but am focusing on the insanity that is  my life with things from recipes (maybe my awesome SIL should help me with those ones, hee hee) to family fun things and just fun kids moments. I am also going to do weekend devotionals for sure.
Just keep an eye out for what is coming. :-)

December 28, 2011

Someone has to tell them

I got so mad yesterday that I cried. I try for the most part to control my emotions and not let ignorance get the best of me, but sometimes I feel attacks are personal. Someone who doesn't know me from anyone made a statement on someone else's FB post and that started it all. I have also apologized to my friend who made the original post and has all of this ridiculousness on her wall now. I don't want her to think I was being negative towards her but rather the comments made.
The posting was an incredible insight into our society's need to remove religion from Christmas, especially within the school system who makes sure that Muslim students aren't left out (but leaving out Christians is fine... don't get me started there). I had posted my agreement sometime last week. A stranger got to me by posting the following (THERE IS A CURSE WORD IN IT FYI).. And yes, this is her direct quote.
"I'm more pissed no one can bring snacks for all the allergy fears" 
That is not misquoted or even taken out of context, I promise you that. I was a little frustrated by that and made sure to comment to express the severity of food allergies. As you all know, it is my passion and my purpose to educate as many as possible in this cause and to keep those children, like Owen, safe in the schools and in the real world.
I felt I handled that well, until another stranger posted something that made my blood boil...
"I have been an aid in many classrooms through the years and yes kids do have special needs and it has to be taken care of but the whole class should not have to do with out because one or two kids have allergies/religious beliefs. I have a blessed friend whose daughter is both diabetic and allergic to glutins ( I forget the name). She takes things in to class that she can eat for snacks. Also if someone really fears what might be brought in then have the child home schooled or they can leave the classroom. WHY does everyone think that all do with out because of one?"
So in my frustration I asked if she was implying that my child did not have a right to a public education because of his severe peanut allergy. She never did answer, but the original offender replied saying she was just joking. Seriously?? Joking? Whatever, I ultimately chose to tell her it did not seem to be a joke with her strong use of language. Her last comment though, insured there would be a blog posting. hee hee. The original commenter who is mad that she cannot take snacks said the following,
"The ironic thing in this thread is that it's about the majority "rolling over" and yet you have highjacked it for yourself without any foreknowledge of others approach when posting. It's rude. Let's agree to let you have the last word here since you turned it into an allergy agenda. Is that strong use of language enough?"
Taking everything I have not to post back something and be the bigger person here. I would love to say so many things to her and about her, but I honestly do not know her. I don't know what makes her so close minded, but this is something that we deal with all the time! It's no real surprise in the long run, but when someone asks me why I get so angry and defensive about Owen's food allergies, I cannot help but point out specific examples like this. These are people who NEED to understand. These are the people who NEED to be educated. And someone has to tell them, even if that means creating my own agenda (which was never mine in the first place) and hijacking someone else's thread.

December 20, 2011

Tonight he cried

I write this blog with such sadness in my heart. As a Mom, we never like to see our children hurt or upset. It's so hard to be through that and to see them going through tough times, but tonight he cried and it tore me apart. How I have anticipated this moment since he was an infant! But the words just didn't come as I expected.

My son is officially aware that death could happen for him at anytime and tonight he cried. It hit me as if someone had just taken my heart and ripped it from my chest without any concern of the results. He had just been to dance and was a little upset that parents hadn't bothered to read their emails to know not to bring cookies- peanut butter ones at that. He tried not to respond during dance, but I saw the emotion working through him as we headed towards the car. He was such a big boy and held it together very well for a 7 year old.
Inside the car, the emotions started to fill up until he cried. As we drove down the road, he asked me why there were people out there who didn't care about others. I asked him what he was talking about and his response is what took my breath away. Barely audible as he choked back the tears my little Owen said, "I am going to die the next time." He broke into tears and I couldn't even respond for the longest time as I silently sat there trying to drive behind the tears that took over. It was silent in that car for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke again. He said, "Mom, I know what the doctor said. The next time I have a reaction, I am going to die. I don't want to die." My baby is 7 and already has to consider how other people's choices affect his life. I had to pull it together and have to say it was only by the grace of God that I was able to do that. I really had no clue how to respond to him. I told him that it is always a possibility that we could lose him should he have another reaction but that is why we carry an epipen and make everyone around him aware of the consequences of their actions. We talked the entire ride about how it is Wade and my job to teach him to live in a peanut world.
Throughout the 30 minute drive, he asked great questions and spoke in great detail about how hard it is at school for him and how there are days that he feels lonely sitting by himself at lunch. And as we neared home he said that he wanted to be sure to talk to his teacher about a concern of his regarding indoor recess and the use of hand sanitizer (always the big boy). I always see him as such a strong little fella who is living well under difficult circumstances. It is definitely sad to realize that he understands his mortality and how others can be careless and cause something that is my nightmare everyday. He's always so happy and does so well to keep it together, but tonight he cried.

And tonight, his Momma's heart broke as I realized that the day may come that I'm not there to fix it. I have no choice but to put my child's life into the hands of others and pray they do the right thing. So if you are one of those others, please know that I trust you with every ounce of my being that I have available. I may question events, and I may question responses. I may question things before they can even happen. It's nothing against you, but, you see, I have to do this to protect him now more than ever because tonight he cried!

December 7, 2011

Anti-Cookie

I wasn't always against cookies. Quite frankly I love the things myself. What I'm against is the use of food for the holidays... all holidays. Why is it that a Valentine's party at school includes cookies? How about that end of the year party? Or the Christmas party?
Why do we reward our children with food?? Why do we celebrate with food? Is there a reasonable explanation as to why we can't have a few games, do a craft and send the kids home with a smile on their faces without cookies or juice for that matter (that's a whole other blog post in itself)?
As we get close to the end of the calendar year, we enter the Christmas season. I absolutely LOVE Christmas, but I don't love the food. From nut rolls, to peanut butter fudge to cookies, cookies and more cookies. They are evil, I tell you!!!
Some of you may think I've fallen off my rocker, but I want to take you into the day in our lives when cookies became the devil. Some of you lived it with us. Some of you will still think I'm crazy. That's okay guys. We live our lives differently because of that day. 2 years ago this week, we came a little closer than we ever dreamed of coming to losing our sweet Owen-- all because of an innocent moment. We excitedly prepared for Owen's final preschool Christmas program where he would stand in front of the room with his classmates, his friends, and sing in that adorable little off key voice we so adore. The room was packed, as it always is, and the moment came for the kids to sing their songs. It was a wonderful performance (short as always, but just the perfect length for preschoolers and their families). With a one year old (at the time), the performance ended at just the perfect time. Time to change the diaper. So, I took diaper duty and went to the bathroom to change her diaper while my hubby took the boys to get some cookies in the fellowship hall.
It seems time stood still after that. I walked into the fellowship hall to see my boys all sitting at a back table eating their cookies and laughing together. What happened next will forever be engrained in my brain. My brain registered it and reacted before I ever realized what was going on. I saw my Owen eating a cookie that traditionally has peanut butter in it. Even though the warnings were posted and the parents were reminded, I knew what I was seeing!! Wade said I became a mix between a crazy woman and a super Mom all of a sudden. I don't even remember putting the baby down or where she was during all of this. All I remember is slapping that cookie out of my child's mouth and hand and whipping out a Benedryl to shove in his mouth at the same time. I looked at Wade and said, dial 911 and immediately went to find Ms. Julia. I needed to know if I was overreacting or if this cookie had indeed contained peanut butter.
She stopped the festivities and asked who made those cookies. We verified within a matter of seconds that they did, indeed, contain peanut butter. I don't remember who stayed with Alec and Sofia, but we took Owen into the hallway to monitor him and wait for the paramedics. I know that his airway can close quickly, so I started to have him repeat his alphabet to me to keep him talking. He seemed okay, but each reaction can be different. We weren't aware of how serious it really could be, even in that moment. I remember feeling overwhelmed and held at the same time. The staff (who were probably the ones watching the other kids, truth be known) were wonderful and so very helpful. The paramedics arrived to tell us that while his heart rate was elevated, all of his other vitals were fine. They recommended we watch him and said the best thing would be for him to vomit to get it out of his system. If only we knew...... If only they knew........
Within 5 minutes of them leaving, Owen vomited, which was the worst thing that could have happened (we found that out later). It was yet another sign of anaphylactic shock that we were not aware of. He suddenly seemed worse. Rather than call the paramedics again, we opted to stop at the neighborhood fire station prior to going home. The other station's paramedics said he would be fine, but we couldn't shake that feeling that something was just wrong about the whole thing.
We stopped and were told the exact same thing. His heart rate was elevated but the rest of his vitals were fine. Take him home so he can rest and monitor him closely. We knew we were in for a long night. I know Wade called someone when Owen and I were in the station house to prepare them should we have to go to the hospital (I can't remember who it was to be honest). We went home and Owen complained of being hot (another sign we weren't aware of). I stripped him and sat with him on the sofa. Wade kept looking at us, and I could tell he was really worried. I looked at Owen at one point and realized he was so covered in hives that I didn't have a clue where one began and another ended. It was time to go to the hospital. We found out once it was all said and done that Owen's body reacted from the inside out. His organs were attacked first. We hadn't given him his epipen because we were under the assumption that if we could avoid that it would be better for Owen. We were wrong.. so very wrong. We now know the process is to shoot him first, give him Benedryl and call 911. We know that we insist he goes to the hospital every single time because we can't tell what is happening on the inside. He could have died that night. He doesn't remember a lot from being at the hospital, but he does remember that darn cookie!

So this story brings me to my original thoughts. Cookies, they are evil for our house. They scare all of us. Owen is scared to the point of panic attacks lately. I try to be easy going, but I tend to be quite high strung as a general rule. The next few weeks, we have our first experience back at the same preschool with the cookies. Nothing against the staff or the school, but we are opting out this year. We aren't ready to face those memories or take that chance again. But the cookie exchange for dance and the Christmas party at school still loom on the horizon. The cookies for the school party aren't going to be acceptable, so I am working with our awesome friend and PTA President Cherie to come up with a solution. I also have an open dialog with his dance instructor and the owner of the studio regarding that one.  I end this with my questions. The ones I know Mom's all over the country have to ask every single day... the ones that I've been battling with for the past 6 years of his 7 year life.. the ones that weigh heavily on my heart each day as I pray I see him again at the end of the day healthy and safe.
I want to know why I have to do this? Why is it that my "special needs" child is an after thought? Why is it that our society accepts celebrating EVERYTHING with food? Why can't we just accept the comment, there is no food being brought in for this celebration and be done with it? Why can't we just understand it's someone's life on the line when we don't change our habits? Why does it have to be my son?