Today is the Day

I am a 38 year old Mom, and I have arthritis. I feel like I am attending one of those meetings with the twelve step plan when I say that, but I am in denial about it and have decided that today is the day.
Amidst all this pain and feelings of failure, I must admit that not only am I human, but I'm aging faster than I ever imagined because of a horrible disease. Arthritis. Up until a few weeks ago, I just thought that was for the elderly or my Daddy (who will never age in my eyes).
I offhandedly received a diagnosis a few weeks ago and despite the fact that current tests have all come back negative, my doctor is still holding onto this diagnosis. I even get to go to one of them there special doctors to have them figure out the cause. But as part of this day that I own this pain and I step up to the plate regarding it, I want to tell you about a typical day.
Yesterday was an awesome day! I woke up and my pain level before my medication was about a 4 or 5. Yeah!!! I continued through my day and even with my medications, I would say that I never did get down below that 4. But it was still a good day. Today I got a slap in the face. Sometime overnight a Mac truck came into my home and ran me over and over and over and over and over, you get my point? I awoke at 3:30 this morning to this horrible pain in my arms and hands. I got up to go to the bathroom and found that the pain was also in my left knee and my hip. I hobbled to the bathroom and debated on if I go back to bed, take more pain medication or just get up for the day. Afraid that taking the pain medication would mess up my schedule, I just went back to bed. I don't wish I had done differently, but I do wish for a different outcome.
I took my pain medications this morning and took the two that is normally prescribed because the pain was that bad. As I keep moving, it does lessen the pain a little but I am still at an 8 even 3 hours after taking the pain medication. But life moves on. I had a few victories today. I started my van by myself this morning! Not once, but several times. That's a victory! I walked Owen up to the building today and made it back to my van without crying. That's a victory! I typed up a story that was on deadline for the paper and was only an hour late. That's a victory!
But let me share a few others that you wouldn't even think of. I brushed my hair today. I opened the lid on a cup as my 10 year old watched and waited to see if I needed his help. I put on my socks and only cried a little when my Daddy asked me if I needed his help. I tied my shoes as my 7 year old looked at me and said, "Mommy, I can do that for you if it is too hard." I took clothing out of the dryer and made it to the bottom of the steps before I couldn't carry them any further. I walked down the steps to do that. I typed this blog.
How humbling an experience it is to feel so helpless.  As I left the preschool this morning thankful that Sofia had helped me both buckle and unbuckle her seat belt, I was floored by the Glory of God. As I struggle to have strength to do even the small things that I have taken for granted, a song came on the radio, Sufficient by Adie Camp. I sat in the van and cried out to Him for the strength just to make it through even one day and He enveloped me in His arms and reminded me that He is always there for me. He is truly all that I need. So those clothes that are at the bottom of the stairs, they better watch out cause I'm going to carry them up the steps! And those dishes that are sitting in there are going to be washed. Today is the day that I face this head on and do not let it defeat me. Today is the day.