It Won't Kill Them

Ever go somewhere and see a child that you know could honestly use a good spanking? I mean, one of those, go outside and cut down a switch from the tree spanking?
I am speaking outside of the PC lines at this point, but it is my belief that children would treat parents and other adults with a lot more respect if they were first of all taught to and second of all reprimanded when they didn't. I grew up saying yes ma'am and no sir. I knew that if I spoke inappropriately I was gonna get the belt. And I did! But guess what, I'm still here, and I know how to treat my elders.
With that on my mind today, I decided to look at what the Bible said about it and found this...

Proverbs 23:13-14

The Message (MSG)

  ^13-14 Don't be afraid to correct your young ones;
   a spanking won't kill them.
A good spanking, in fact, might save them
   from something worse than death. 

 

 

Think about a lesson you learned as a child. Did it come with a spanking? I betcha it either did or the threat of one! I read the verses and love that second verse. A good spanking could very well save your child from something worse than death! I see children yelling at their parents, especially boys yelling at their mothers and it really bothers me. These children could (I'm not saying they will!) end up in some serious trouble later in life. I see these violent tendencies, and I wonder what kind of teenagers and men these little hollering kids will be. It makes me sad, but it also makes me angry and frustrated that these parents allow their children to behave and become this way.

That all being said. I look to the Bible as my source for how to be a parent and how to be a parent that is acceptable to Christ. If the Bible says a spanking won't kill, I suppose I should have to keep that in mind should my children ever need that. In the meantime, I will enjoy the time I have with my children and pray for those mothers who continue to struggle with discipline.

Having Fun Being Good

Do you enjoy going to a grocery store alone (yeah, rare moment) and hear a child in the next aisle screaming they want something or a parent screaming (don't get me started on that topic) at their child for misbehaving or having a can of corn flung at you as you walk down that same aisle never suspecting a temper tantrum is in progress? That is just not cool for anyone to have to deal with, but we all see it in the stores. No one really wants to be that parent in the aisle with the child who is just not understanding not now or we have to buy these groceries but we can't buy everything in the store. And no one wants to have to listen to those children not understand. *I am using a grocery store as an example rather than get into the whole ban children from restaurants rant.*
So we, as parents, are responsible to discipline our children so that we never have to deal with that situation, but that word is almost as bad as a four letter word in most households. You don't want to be the bad guy. You don't want to play good cop/bad cop. You just don't want to deal with it for the most part, but you have to!! We all do.
Discipline is defined as training to act in accordance with rules. But we have to make things fun for our children because a 3 year old does not understand that the grocery store is not a place to remove all of his clothing and a 5 year old does not understand that the chocolate bars are not there for her to open and eat right there in the store. My version of discipline is a bit of avoidance. I want to avoid the situation so that I, quite honestly, do not have to deal with it! Lazy? Maybe, but hear me out and see if you support it.
Let's move away from the store to a park. Fun place for a child, but have you had a little one have that meltdown before leaving? We all have, don't say you didn't cause you are just telling a fib! ;-) So, what I do to avoid that is a few things..
First of all, some people enjoy impromptu visits to the park, but I find them miserable. Go in with a plan and have a "park kit" in your vehicle if you choose to do this.
Bring your water. Always have water for your children (a bottle for each to prevent a fight) so that they can keep hydrated no matter what the weather. You can keep bottles in your car, but I always recommend bringing water along whenever we go somewhere cause it's Murphy's Law for me ;-)
When you get to the park, take a moment and make eye contact. Establish rules and guidelines that must be followed when you are at the park. I get out of my van and stand at the side door to do that. Rules can include things such as, we need to be kind to our friends while we are at the park and do not eat mulch. I also include things such as do not walk in front of the swings unless you want to end up on the ground. And I am also known to tell them if they behave like fools and ignore that last rule, they will get hurt and (as is frequently quoted in our home) "I'm not taking you to the emergency room." We also include the rules for leaving....
We are leaving the park at 11:15 this morning. It is (get out your phone) now 10. That is an hour and 15 minutes from now. I have set an alarm to give you your 5 minute warning. No one is allowed to whine when the warning is issued. Nor is there any whining allowed when it is time to leave. And the best rule is Have fun! ;-)
You say, good rules Kim but do they work. For the most part, yes, but you have to be willing to stop talking to the other Mom's and push on the swing. You also have to be willing to climb when you don't want to and slide when you are wondering if the slide will really hold all that weight! And you have to be willing to enforce the rules. I give my children their 5 minute warning and another one at three and two. At one minute, I tell them it is time to tell their friends goodbye and to start moving towards our van. For the most part, the trips are successful with few boo boos and hopefully without meltdowns. 
Have my children ended up in timeout because of behavior? Yup. Have my children ended up on their butts from walking in front of a swing? Yup ;-) But if you come in with structure, you get structure. If you come in with nothing, you get nothing.
Come up with a plan, no matter where you are going. Moms should all have crayons and paper in their purse as well as a pen and pencil. Small toys should be in there and a snack should ALWAYS be part of your trip.
Discipline can be fun and easy. You just have to have a plan and stick to it. I wish you all well trying to keep peace :-)

Funny, Odd

I have found that my children have an odd thing that seems to drive them crazy and to the point of them actually doing what I've asked them to do. I find they aren't good listeners the first time. And typically the second or third time either. Essentially, they aren't any different than any other child out there, but let me share where I go to the edge and they listen.
Today is a perfect example. My 10 year old was doing his math homework and asked if he could be finished for the day. He had done two sheets out of five after all. I asked him to show me the sheets and found that there were several problems left undone. He said he was going to do those another time when he did the other sheets, but I spoke logically that if he doesn't do them now, he might not realize the sheets that are partially done when it comes time to turn it all in. He didn't understand my logic, and tried to argue.
Out of that frustrated feeling that all Moms feel from time to time, I immediately broke out into prayer out loud. It went something like this,
"Dear Lord, Please give me patience and peace that I do not spank this child in front of me who is doing his best to push me to the edge as he refuses to listen to logic and do what has been simply asked of him."
How surprising it was when I opened my eyes to find that not only was the culprit no longer standing in front of me, but he was sitting at the desk completing those problems that were left blank on his homework sheet.

Odd, in a funny sort of way, that outward spoken words of frustration would cause a child to immediately start listening rather than anger or punishment. I have tried lately to not show my children anger when their behavior is at its worst. Instead, I focus on finding a peaceful frame of mind to promote that peace in our household. It's working, for the most part, but I will keep openly putting myself into timeout and praying for that patience that will show my children that I am only human.

Family Rules

My sweet husband and I try to teach our children right from wrong in our daily activities, but have found over the years that saying no to everything that was wrong just didn't quite work. Having rules is so very important with children, but I have always found it difficult to have those don't do this or don't do that rules. Yes, and I used to teach in an actual classroom ;-)
We found the Biblical route was the way to go that helped to support what we were already trying to teach our children. I don't have rules, per say, but the boys (and soon Sofia now that she is getting older) know when Momma says something in particular, I'm referring to the Fruit of the Spirit. I had a friend years ago that recommended the use of these rules and encouraged me in my walk to enforce them. She was invaluable to the growth of my children and a great example for me to follow which is always greatly appreciated.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

—Galatians 5:22-23

But Kim, this isn't the Family Fun I tuned in for today, you say? No, discipline is never fun. But it can be peaceful and a way to keep family time fun without the bickering or the battle that sometimes ensues. A gentle reminder of a broad topic is sometimes so much easier to handle than a firm no. I find the children are more responsive when we are softer with our discipline. I'm NOT saying by any means that we don't ever have to be tough on the kids. It's never easy, but with God as your family guide, you can make it less challenging.

I encourage you to adopt our rules as needed for your family and adjust as you see fit. I have used so many different methods with these rules that I would love to see what ideas you can come up with them.

Household Rules

LOVE- Show LOVE and RESPECT to God, your family, and your neighbor.

JOY-  Be JOYFUL and APPRECIATE what God has blessed you with.

PEACE- Be PEACEFUL with one another, do not aggravate, quarrel and tease.

PATIENCE- Show PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING.

KINDNESS- Show KINDNESS in helping others.

GOODNESS- Show GOODNESS by doing everything with RESPECT and HONOR.

FAITHFULNESS- Honor God with your actions and words. FAITHFULLY go to Him in prayer.

GENTLENESS- Be GENTLE and kind in spirit, show MERCY and COMPASSION.

SELF-CONTROL- Always CONTROL your words and actions to glorify God and to honors others. Take RESPONSIBILITY for all you have and do.

We have used a fruit basket with pretend fruit. The children get to fill their basket as they do good things and follow the Fruit of the Spirit, but they lose fruit when they  misbehave. We would end each day with a special treat if that was earned for the day. And by ending the day as such, we were able to talk about the "rules" that were broken and what kind of changes we can make the following day to improve. My kids have flourished with this and while we don't have it up and showing all the time, we bring it out when we find it is needed. This might be one of those weeks ;-) 

Please remember to share with me how this works for your family.